Happy Fun Times Meisters Christmas Apocalypse
by Admiral Muffin
Summary: Patching things up with Flay Allster, Kira Yamato decided to leave Lacus Clyne to spend the holidays with his former love. Enraged, the pink princess decides to destroy Christmas by initiating a full scale war. It's up to Saji and friends to save the day!
1. Prologue

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GUNDAM

Warning: Some of the humor may offend you

**PROLOGUE**

**DECEMBER 18**

**PLANTS**

**APRILIUS ONE, APRILIUS CITY**

**CLYNE RESIDENCE**

**8:04 P.M. **

The whole mansion is a fortress. Now that she is the new chair woman of the PLANTS, Lacus Clyne converted her home into an impenetrable fortress. Electrical fences, automatic gun turrets, spiked walls, land mines and whatnot. Her house is filled with every defensive weapon known to man. The once serene and calm landscape that envelops her house is now nothing but a cold and foreboding peace of dirt. Inside, Lacus reads a letter left by her lover and soul mate, Kira Yamato. Judging from her contorted and pained expression, she is definitely not pleased with the contents of the letter. Each word was like a dagger piercing her heart. Every time she finishes a sentence, she felt like a part of her died. She never felt this kind of pain before. Anyway, the letter reads like this:

_Dearest Lacus, _

_Flay Allster called me last night and…well…it seems she wants to patch things with me. At first I was very surprised. I didn't know how to respond. So after a lot of thinking and sulking…and thinking…more sulking…I think I cried…then sulking again…I decided to give her one more chance. Now before you say anything, and how could you since I would be long gone after you finish this letter, I'm fully aware that she used and manipulated me. That I was under her manipulative female charm. I realized that…well…how am I gonna say this? Dammit! I don't know how to say it so I'm just gonna give it to you directly. She popped my man cherry, Lacus. Not counting Amuro Ray from the original novels, I am the first Gundam protagonist to have on-screen sex with a designated doomed girlfriend. Like I said I've done a lot of thinking, and I think giving Flay another chance is a decision I would never regret. I mean for fudge's sakes, Lacus! I know I sound like a total pig here but you're not giving me any. It's all about songs and love and pink and…whatever you try to achieve. As a man…well I am a man, right? As a man, I am entitled to listen to my primal urges. Do you know how many sleepless nights I think about episode sixteen of SEED? And when the compilation movies came out, I was pretty stoked when I saw the new footage of me and Flay getting it on. At the end of this letter I'm sure I have incurred your wrath and the wrath of the Kira x Lacus fans, but I have decided. This Christmas is a Christmas of new beginnings and I intend to begin something with Flay. _

_Yours truly, _

_Kira "Beam Spammer God" Yamato_

_P.S. I am also tired of being your bitch boy._

"K-K-K-K-K-Kiraaaaaaaaa!!!" Lacus screamed at the top of her lungs while ripping the letter to shreds. "You two-timing bastard!" Clearly something snapped inside of her. The guards inside the room all gulped when they saw the crazed look on her face. "Christmas of new beginnings you say? Well I bet you're planning to have a nice date with that red headed hussy this Christmas! Not if I can help it. I got it! I got it! You won't be having a nice Christmas with that bitch IF I destroy Christmas! Yes…that's right. I'm gonna destroy Christmas and you will come crawling back to me. Oh Kira, I will definitely need to re-educate you again." She then points to one of the guards. "You there! I want you to gather all of the ZAFT commanders tonight!"

**

* * *

DECEMBER 20**

**LOCKON'S BAR**

**3:45 P.M. **

Neil "Lockon" Dylandy now spends most of his quiet times running his bar after season one of Gundam 00. Most of the establishment's denizens are weary soldiers. Battle hardened warriors who share their exploits and adventures over a glass of cold beer. Days after its opening, Lockon's bar became the number one hang out spot of the common cannon fodder. Grunts that are eager to escape the daily grindings of being blown up by an overpowered Gundam, usually being driven by an angsty bishounen kid. "So one year after Portrait of Ruin, Jonathan is spending his time with the Lecarde twins." A geeky Neo American soldier said to his comrades. "Since the Lecarde and the Morris families are supposed to be working together then I suggest we turn this doujin of ours into a romantic comedy of epic Castlevania proportions. Okay during one scene, Charlotte walks in and sees Jonathan "courting" the two sisters. At the same time."

"Oh that's just stupid, Jerry." One of his friends said. "I understand you're obsessed with Stella and Loretta but using a clichéd porn plot device is fudging lame. I swear next time you use another "walk in" I'm gonna ram this-

"Fudge you, Harold." Jerry flipped the bird at him. "I run this operation and I will do whatever the hell I want. If you back out on me, buddy, I'm gonna pee all over your Murphy unit."

"I'm done serving the drinks." Allelujah reported back to Lockon.

"Hey thanks for helping out, Al." The Irishman smiled at him. "It's a bit tough when Saji is not around. That boy may be weak willed but he sure is helpful."

"Where is he anyway?" Asked Allelujah.

"He's attending his school's Christmas party." He answered.

"Speaking of Christmas, you should at least put up some decorations inside the bar. We should be in the holiday spirits, Lockon."

"I'm fine with that." He pointed to a small Christmas tree on top of the bar. "Anyway, go back to the kitchen and make sure those Buffalo wings are done. Off duty OZ soldiers will be here soon and they love Buffalo wings."

"Roger that." He saluted and runs back to the kitchen.

"I guess it's time to watch the afternoon news." Lockon then grabs the remote and switches on the television.

Right on time. The anchorman is just starting with his reports. _"The spokesperson of the Gundam Wing boys said that the rivalry between Ribbons and his skittle squad is not even worth a competition. Just because they're twice more girly doesn't mean they can issue a challenge to them in terms of "gaying" up the Gundam franchise. In other news, the city mayor announced that Cooking Mama is the most manliest video game ever. He also added that he would tap Mama on the behind and show her way around the kitchen. With those words, he proceeded to wink and thrust his crotch, imitating sexual intercourse. The mayor is currently in the ICU after receiving massive head trauma from his wife. And-_

Suddenly a camera man approaches the newsman and whispers something to his ear. His eyes became wide afterwards and quickly ask for the immediate attention of the viewers.

_"I have just been informed that ZAFT are now dropping most of their forces on Earth. We don't know what their intentions are but several cities have been leveled and destroyed. All citizens are ordered to evacuate immediately! I repeat-_

The whole bar then suddenly started shaking as explosions and gunfire can be heard outside. Lockon turns off the TV and runs out of the bar to see what's going on. Several ZAFT mobile suits are now attacking the city. Citizens are running away from the chaos as the mobile suits destroy every Christmas decorations they can find. An AMF-101 DINN flies around while broadcasting a message from Lacus Clyne. _"This is Lacus Clyne of the PLANTS. I decided that Christmas is evil so I order all citizens of Earth to stop celebrating the holiday, even the countries who don't celebrate Christmas. Failure to comply, my forces will incinerate you to your very bones. All of Earth's leaders will be sent to the re-education camps and each government will be replaced with a puppet leader, which is really an actual puppet. All military outposts should lower and surrender their weapons. Resistance is futile. To make things simple, stop celebrating Christmas or else you will face the consequences. That is all, maggots." _The broadcast ends with a Lacus Clyne song. Fields of Hope to be exact.

"What in the hell is going on here?" Lockon exclaimed while scratching his head.

"This is bad." Allelujah said while watching a ZAKU Warrior torch a hardware store filled with Christmas decorations. "This is really bad."

"Oh dear! The pink princess is destroying Christmas!" Tieria said as he pops out of nowhere. "Oh Lockon-chan, she is destroying our love filled holiday! I never felt such horror! This is like the time when I invoked Rule 34 on Princess Princess. Of course, saying that is definitely an understatement."

"Oh fudge this." Lockon scoffed. "It has nothing to do with me anyway." He then pulls out a box of tissues. "Time to do a Kanon and Clannad marathon." Suddenly, a GM that got shot down by Lacus' forces crashes on his bar. The whole building blows up, leaving nothing but a smoldering crater on the ground.

"Oh dear." Allelujah gulped.

Dropping the tissue box, Lockon clenches both his fists. "Al, I want you to call Miss Sumeragi. Tell her we have a situation."

**

* * *

IN A DEPARTMENT STORE SOMEHWHERE…**

Delusional ZAFT ace pilot, Shinn Asuka is busy braving the holiday shopping rush with the Hawke sisters. The young man grabs a cute white dress from the stalls and shows it to his girlfriend while grinning like an idiot. "This would definitely suit Mayu! Don't you agree, Luna?"

Nearly destroying the wall with her punch, Lunamaria glared at Shinn. "We came here to buy stuff for the holidays, you twit. Not to shop clothes for your dead little sister. I swear to God, the next time you do that I am so gonna rip out your intestines and use it to strangle you."

"Onee-chan, settle down please. Don't forget about your blood pressure." Meyrin tried to calm her down. "I'm sure Shinn was just joking."

"Yeah Luna-chan, you're starting to remind me of Relena." Shinn chuckled nervously.

While walking, the three passes by an electronics store. On the display section is a wide screen TV. The news was on and it's showing the current developments of the Lacus Clyne invasion. _"The Sanc Kingdom was nearly razed to the ground. Most of the nation's government buildings have been taken over by Clyne's forces. There is still no word on the whereabouts of Lady Peacecraft. Last time she was seen, she was running around the city streets wielding a chainsaw and being chased by her servants. Also several other countries are defying the pink songstress and are still celebrating Christmas, telling the deranged Chairwoman to get bent. In other news, several nude photos of Master Asia have been leaked to net. Numerous cases of system crashes have been reported all around Neo Japan after the images were distributed. Turns out they're not so Neo after all and it took photos of a naked old man to prove that." _

"Whoa." Shinn said. "What the heck is going on?"

"Beats me." Luna shrugged.

Suddenly, a ZGMF-X3000Q Providence ZAKU enters the mall by crashing through the roof. The mobile suit then proceeds to unleash its DRAGOONs and obliterates all of the Christmas decorations. The ZAKU then plays the same broadcast from Lacus as it continues to lay waste to anything that's Christmas. The ZAFT suit then targets the large Christmas tree on the middle of the mall. Bernard Wiseman and Christina Mackenzie are sitting on a bench below the tree while eating some ice cream. Alfred also tagged along and the three of them are oblivious to the ensuing chaos. "Christmas sure feels nice." Bernie said as he licks his ice cream.

"Darn tooting." Chris heartily agreed.

"As long no tragic stuff happens, I'm totally cool." Al added. The ZAKU contradicts them by shooting down the tree and it crashes down, squashing Steiner and his Cyclops team who happens to be sitting on the opposite side.

"Captain!" Bernie screamed in anguish. He then hides beneath a box and scurries away, leaving Christina and Al behind who are still enjoying their ice cream.

"That…didn't…make any sense." Meyrin raised an eyebrow while she, Luna and Shinn are taking cover from Providence ZAKU. "Anyway, why the hell is Lacus trying to destroy Christmas? And how come we haven't been informed of this? I mean we're ZAFT soldiers too."

"I don't know." Luna replied in a frustrated tone. "I think that pink haired freak finally snapped."

"So what are we gonna do now?" Asked Shinn. "Do we join up with the others and destroy Christmas too?"

"Hell no!" Luna stood up. "C'mon let's get to a safe place and re-think our strategy."

"Strategy?"

"Just shut-up and follow me!" She then drags the two as she charges outside the department store.

**

* * *

SAJI'S HIGHSCHOOL**

**MAIN CAMPUS**

Saji and his classmates have erected a huge Christmas tree while celebrating the party on the middle of the campus. Tiel Noembreux leads the choir group as they sing Christmas songs. Her voice is heavenly as usual. "Thanks for the hard work." Louise gave Saji a can of juice.

"Thanks you." He accepted the can and drank the contents in one gulp. "Man, I feel alive again."

"So Saji, do you want to go somewhere after the party?"

"Go where?"

"I dunno…maybe like a lovely stroll on the plaza or checking out the new coffee shop near the beach."

"Christmas is indeed a good time for youths in love." Ramba Ral slapped Saji's back while laughing. "Seize the moment, boy. Enjoy it fully."

"Y-Yes sir." He nervously nodded his head.

"Saji, just relax. No need to get all flustered. It's the holidays so you take it easy with Louise. Don't be a Scrooge like your physics professor, Anavel Gato." He then points to the gray haired Zeon ace sitting on one of the school benches, looking pissed and irritated like he always do.

"Bah! This is damn pointless!" Gato shouted. "This is so pointless! We should be plotting on how to take down those Federation bastards instead of celebrating this pointless holiday!"

"Gato, don't be like that." Gerald Sakai approached him. "You should be a good role model for the students. Here have some alcoholic eggnog." He then hands him a paper cup.

"Indeed. The Nightmare of Solomon should be keeping his composure." Johnny Ridden added. "This is a good party so we must enjoy at least. We'll kill those Feddie scum some other time, comrade. Though it's a shame Lady Kycillia couldn't make it."

"I guess you're right, Major Ridden." Gato lowered his head.

"Oh such beautiful comradeship!" Shin Matsunaga cried tears of joy. "Only Zeon soldiers are capable of such brotherhood."

"Oh indeed my Zeon comrade." Johnny said and they both have a manly hug.

"Uh…Saji." Louise tapped him on the shoulders. "Is it me or all of our teachers are soldiers from the Principality of Zeon?"

"Yeah." A big sweat drop appeared above Saji's head. "I just noticed it now. I guess I now know why the enrollment papers were peppered with the letter Z."

Mustering all her courage and taking this chance, Christina Sierra quickly approaches Saji and hands him a small Christmas present. "Saji-kun, please take this." Looking amused, Feldt Grace just giggles behind her. "I have decided that from now on, I'm going to be honest to myself. I will not hide my feelings anymore and I will make sure you will receive them! I, Christina Sierra, love you, Saji Crossroad! Ever since I laid my eyes upon you, I knew from that moment that you-

"Ahem." Louise cleared her throat. "This is really touching and all but I have to remind you that you're too late."

"There's no such thing as "too late" for love!" She pointed at her. "Louise Halevy, I hereby challenge you to a duel. A duel to win Saji-kun's love."

"If that's the case then I have already won." The blonde European smiled.

"Don't you find it amusing when your best friend is completely asinine?" Feldt whispered to Saji.

"Saji-kun, I will never ever give up. I'm hoping that one day you will realize my feelings." Christina then suddenly embraces the young man. "Oh my! Embracing and feeling your body is making my heart beat like crazy. I feel so hot all of a sudden."

"Hey get off my boyfriend!" Louise screamed.

"No you cannot pull us apart! Our love is strong! I will not let you corrupt Saji's heart anymore, you bovine princess! Your big boobs are totally messing up his mind!" Chris tried to fight back while Louise tries to pull her away from Saji.

Watching from afar, Lichtendahl Tsery cries after witnessing his long time crush, Christina, hug another guy. School guidance counselor, Cameron Bloom, patted the young man on the back in hopes of comforting him. "You and I are on the same boat, kid." He lamented.

Suddenly, a car crashes through the gates and nearly runs over the school Christmas tree. Panting and eyes twitching from anger, Kinue Crossroad steps out of the vehicle. "Hands off the baby brother, bitch." She growled at Chris.

"Miss Crossroad, this is the eleventh time you crashed your car through the school gates." A teacher angrily berated her. "You have-

Without any word, she gives the teacher a vicious elbow to the face. She then slowly marches towards Saji and Christina while gritting her teeth in anger. "Onee-san!" Saji gulped. "It's a good thing you managed to join the party."

"Hey what the heck is that?" A student pointed to the sky. "Is that a Zaku?"

Grabbing his binoculars, Ramba Ral gets a better view of the incoming object. "That's no Zaku, boy. No Zaku."

"For the love of fudge, Ramba! That joke is getting stale!"

Well Ramba was right since it wasn't really a Zaku. Heine Westenfluss' orange GOUF Ignited lands on the Christmas tree and destroys it. "Oh great. It's T.M. Revulsion." Ramba sighed in disappointment. A group of GINNs then land behind Heine's mobile suit.

"Hey what the heck is going on here?" Saji asked and grabs Louise's hand.

"You people all have failed to follow Lady Lacus' orders so therefore you all must be eliminated." The GINN mobile suits then aim their guns at Saji and company. "Anything that's related to Christmas must be destroyed! Hail Mistress Lacus! Hail the pink songstress!"

**

* * *

STORY NOTES**

And that ends the prologue. Instead of doing a one shot, I plan to do something special since its Christmas time. The scene with the Neo American soldiers in Lockon's bar is obviously a reference to Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin. I'm a big fan of Akumajo Dracula so I decided to throw in a random reference. Tieria also mentions Princess Princess here. It's a shoujo anime about boys dressing up as…uh…girls in an all boy's school. If you're into that stuff then check it out. I'm sure everybody knows about Kanon and Clannad. They're two moe filled melodramatic anime shows based on visual novel games by Key. Lockon pulled out a tissue box because he knows he's surely gonna cry after watching those shows. Not engage in a fapping session. Of course that would hilariously stupid if he really did that since one of those shows is based on an eroge.

The ZGMF-X3000Q Providence ZAKU is from SEED Destiny MSV. Bernie Wiseman, Christina Mackenzie, Alfred Izuruha, Steiner Hardy and the Cyclops team are from Gundam 0080: War in the Pocket.

Anavel Gato is from Gundam 0083: Stardust Memories, Johnny Ridden, Shin Matsunaga and Gerald Sakai are from Gundam MSV. Cameron Bloom is a character from the original MSG and he appeared again in Char's Counter Attack. Tiel Noembreux is from the Gundam Wing side story manga, Tiel's Impulse.

I didn't put the usual tasteless and crappy humor since it's just a prologue. The story really starts on the first chapter so be sure to catch it if you can stomach my god-awful writing. Anyway, see ya next time and Happy Holidays!


	2. A Very Pink Christmas

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GUNDAM

Warning: Some of the humor may offend you

**PHASE ONE**

"**A VERY PINK CHRISTMAS"**

**DECEMBER 20**

**SAJI'S HIGHSCHOOL**

**MAIN CAMPUS**

**4:30 P.M. **

"Saji!" Louise cried out as she cowers behind her boyfriend. The GINN mobile suits are aiming their guns at them and are preparing to fire.

Grabbing her hand, Saji makes a break for it before the mobile suits could pull the trigger. In a matter of seconds, the whole campus was plunged into chaos as students and teachers all run like a bunch of headless chickens while the ZAFT forces wreck havoc. One GINN managed to corner the couple. "There is no escape, you Christmas loving monsters." The pilot chuckled evilly.

"Damn it!" The young man cursed.

"Saji, what are we going to do now?" A very scared Louise asked.

"Hey!" He called out to the pilot. "At least let the girl go."

"No can do, buddy." The pilot snickered. "All of you holiday smooching bastards must all die, by order of Lady Lacus."

"Run, Louise! Get out of here while I try to distract him!"

"Saji, no! I won't leave you!" She protested, nearly in tears.

"Burn!" The GINN said as he aims his rifle at them. Suddenly and out of nowhere, a bazooka rocket hits the cockpit of the ZAFT mobile suit, destroying the hatch and revealing the pilot. "What the hell is going on here?"

"Goddamn you!" Anavel Gato drops the now empty bazooka. "How dare you aim your guns at children. I, Anavel Gato, won't let monsters like you do whatever you wish. Trash like you are not worth giving any second chances. Do you understand me!?"

"Yes sir!" The GINN pilot saluted.

"I'm the enemy, you idiot!!!" A bulging vein appeared on his forehead.

"Yes sir!" The pilot repeated.

"Bah. No point talking to you." Gato then jumps inside the cockpit and proceeds to beat up the pilot. Throwing the guy's unconscious carcass, he jumps out again and checks up on the two. "Are you guys okay?" He asked.

"Yes sir." Saji nodded happily.

"So cool!" Louise's eyes were sparkling brightly. "Mr. Gato is so cool!"

"Let's go, you two. We have to get out of this place."

"But sir, what about Mr. Ramba Ral and the others?" Saji asked.

"They're doing fine." He pointed to the direction where Ramba is fighting Heine using his own Gouf. Both mobile suits are just bitchslapping each other with their heat rods. "He told me and the other teachers to get the students to safety and that's what I'm gonna do."

"Look!" Louise suddenly pointed to the sky.

Johnny Ridden's High Mobility Type Zaku spirals out of control after being shot from behind. Normally, an ace like him would make short work of the ZAFT forces but he got drunk from the alcoholic eggnog. "Lady Kycillia! I promise I would marry you, Lady Kycillia! Lady Kycillia!!!" He screamed as his mobile suit crashes somewhere outside of the campus.

"Don't mind Major Ridden, Miss Halevy." Gato said. "That always happens to him every time he gets drunk and he always survives. Though, his obsession with Lady Kycillia is a bit concerning."

"No I'm not talking about Mr. Ridden. I'm talking about that." Gato and Saji both open their mouths in shock after seeing hundreds of ZAFT landing pods break through the Earth's atmosphere. Lacus Clyne's main occupation force has come.

"Just what the hell is going here?"

"Damn it." Gato clenched his fists. "Listen, we need to get of here first."

**

* * *

AMURO RAY'S HOUSE**

**5:03 P.M. **

Amuro Ray is having his own private Christmas party with Sayla Mass and Beltorchika Irma when somebody knocks on his door. Putting down the champagne bottle, Amuro quickly makes his way to the entrance. "I'm coming so keep your damn pants on." He grumbled.

He opens the door and it was none other than his rival, Char Aznable, dressed up like Santa Clause. He also has a few Puru clones with him and they're dressed up as elves. "Merry CHAR-mas, my dear old rival! I came here with my red sleigh that runs three times faster than a regular sleigh. Not to mention my reindeer, Rudolph, also has a red nose. Christmas is indeed about the color red. So the Red Comet is truly happy about this red holiday! Ho ho ho ho ho ho!"

Without saying any word, Amuro just slams the door in front of him and goes back to his two blondes to continue partying. _"Idiot." _He thought.

"Amuro, don't be like that! Its Christmas so be festive, my buddy." He pleaded outside. "Listen I got a really cool Ouija board here so maybe we can summon the spirit of Lalah Sune. Oh c'mon, buddy. It's Christmas for fudge's sakes. Wait a minute…is that Artesia's car I see on your driveway? Oh shit in a dipstick! My sister is in there is she? You son of a bitch, if you lay a finger on her I'll have my Puru clones do a Metal Gear on your ass! I swear to God they're gonna sneak in and BAM! You're dead, motherfudger!" He then started pounding on the door. "Let me in, you sick fudge! Gimme back my baby sister! I'll kill you and then drag your corpse and kill you again! I'll pay Yazan to violate your body for a year! Artesia, are you in there? Onii-chan is worried. I told you to stay away from that man. Didn't Onii-chan promised to find you a suitable boyfriend? I'll rip your…what the…hey…isn't that a GINN or something? Hey…there's like…uh…a whole squad of 'em. Whoa. They totally destroyed that huge Santa Claus statue. Wow and now they're torching Christmas decorations. Hah! That's fudging priceless! Now they're chasing away those carolers. Yeah! Run, bitches, run! Oh now they're coming this way. Uh…okay…now they're aiming their rifles at me. Wait a minute, where are my Puru elves? Hey my Puru elves left me! Hey buddy, don't stomp on that sleigh! That's expensive you know. Fifty grand. Yes, that thing cost me fifty grand. Yes, it's custom made. Hey, will you put that damn beam rifle down-

KA-BLAAAAAM!!!

"Uh Amuro, I think you really need to go check up on him. That explosion right now is kinda making me worry." Sayla said.

"Oh he'll be fine." He assured her. "It's Char were talking about here. He survived worse."

The GINN mobile suits outside then destroy the roof and point their rifles at Amuro and the two girls. "Cease all holiday activities at once. By order of Lacus Clyne, Christmas is now banned. If you failed to comply then you will suffer severe consequences. I repeat-

"Waaaaaait a minute. Did you say Lacus Clyne banned Christmas?"

"Yes she did. The Clyne Faction has deemed the holiday to be evil and is now taking action. The ZAFT forces are also part of the operation."

"But I'm Amuro Ray."

"Yes you are."

"No, you don't get it." He stood up from the couch. "I'm AMURO RAY."

"I see that…yes…you are indeed Amuro Ray."

"No, buddy, you don't get it. I am AMURO RAY."

"Uh…I think we already established the fact that you are indeed Amuro Ray."

"If that's the case then why should I stop celebrating Christmas? I'm Amuro freaking Ray. I am the first Gundam protagonist, the first accidental civilian pilot. I made the Goddamn franchise. I am Gundam! I am the awesome Amuro and the awesome Amuro will not stop celebrating Christmas."

"Listen, you big headed and egotistical prick, Lady Lacus has issued orders to stop celebrating Christmas and if you don't follow that order then we will be forced to eliminate you."

"I am Gundam!" Amuro tried to imitate Setsuna.

"Oh for the love of fudge and monkeys! Just shoot Afro boy here and be done with it."

"Not if I can help it!" Char Aznable suddenly appears. His clothes are burned and nearly torn from the last attack. "Red Comet Kick!" He shouted as he sprang up in the air and destroys the GINN's mono-eye with one swift flying kick. Like a graceful ballet dancer, the blonde Zeon commander also attacks the other four mobile suits and successfully disables them. He lands on the floor and poses like he's some kung-fu master. "Don't underestimate me, assholes. I subscribe to Master Asia's monthly training program."

"I guess I should say thanks." Amuro said.

"Well you should." Char smirked. "Anyway why did those ZAFT guys appear and why did they mention Lacus Clyne?"

"Char-sama." The Puru elves reappear again. "I believe we have the answer for that question."

"Hey you guys are back. How could you abandon me like that? You guys are supposed to be loyal to me. The Puru-chans have broken Char-sama's heart."

"We're sorry." The Purus then goes to puppy dog eyes mode. "Please forgive us, Char-sama. We're sorry."

"Oh who am I kidding? I can never be angry at my Puru clones. There are so darn adorable. Char-sama should be the one who's sorry. I'm sorry, Puru clones."

"We forgive you, Char-sama."

"Char Aznable, that's the most pathetic thing I have ever seen in my life." Amuro groaned.

"Oh drop dead, afro boy." He gave him the finger. "Anyway my lovable Puru clones, what do you have for us?"

One of the Purus grabs the remote and turns on Amuro's expensive wide screen TV. The news is on and they're doing coverage on the Lacus Clyne invasion. "How could we miss this?" Sayla asked. The news program then switches over to a live broadcast on Lacus Clyne's office over at the PLANTS.

The Galactic Empire theme plays on the background as Lacus herself arrives in the office accompanied by two ZAFT red coats. She raises both her arms and the music stops. The camera then focuses on her while she prepares to start her speech. _"Greetings, maggots! Before I start I want to wish everybody a Merry Christmas." _

"Wait…uh…what?"

_"I'm sure right about now, you people are cowering over the might of my glorious ZAFT army. And I'm very sure that right about now, you people are questioning and wondering about my decision to destroy Christmas. Well the answer is simple. I am doing this because my one and only love, Kira Yamato, chose booty and left me! That two timing nincompoop is probably having a great time with that slutty Flay Allster. I'm sure he will spend Christmas with her and because of that I have decided that Christmas is evil! If you all want me to stop then I order you to bring Kira Yamato back to me so I can re-educate him. Also bring me the head of that red headed hussy while you're at it! Now my ZAFT forces, commence with the destruction and mayhem! That is all, maggots!" _Again the program ends with a Lacus Clyne song. EMOTION to be exact, along with an animated chibi Lacus dancing on the background.

**

* * *

SOMEWHERE…**

Saji and the others have managed to steal a school bus and are now en route to his apartment. Gato, the one driving the bus, turns off the radio after the latest Lacus broadcast. "So this whole fiasco is all about love." He scoffed. "Figures."

"Turn right over there, sir." Saji directed.

"Oh crap. We forgot about Kinue, Saji." Louise remembered.

"Oh no…uh…wait…uh…well I'm sure Onee-sama would be fine."

"Don't worry, Saji-kun. That woman is the devil." Gato shuddered in fear. "Not even the whole ZAFT army can destroy her. I learned that after all those times she assaulted the school just because she has this incestuous obsession with you. I never felt such fear! Not even when I was doing those risky solo sorties back in Solomon. Kinue Crossroad is the physical embodiment of human malice and that is no exaggeration, boy."

"I don't know, sir. I think that's a bit too much." Saji chuckled nervously. "Sure my sister is a bit extreme but she's just looking out for me."

Gato stops the bus right after entering the main plaza near the business district of Tokyo. The whole area is a war zone. Squads of Union Flags fight off the incoming waves of ZAFT mobile suits while trying to secure the city. The whole thing is like a scenario from an SRW video game as mobile suits from two different Gundam series duke it out. A GINN High Maneuver Type notices the bus or the vehicle's Christmas tree hood ornament to be exact. "Oh man." Saji realized what's going on. "Of all the bus we could have picked." The GINN charges in and right before the mobile suit could open fire, a Flag swoops in and shoots down the GINN with a missile.

"Thank Goodness." Louise sighed.

**

* * *

UP IN THE SKY…**

"Hah! Did you see that? I totally saved that school bus and I bet the people inside that vehicle are cheering for my name." Joshua Edwards laughed.

"They don't even know your name." Howard Mason reminded him.

"That's where you're wrong, four eyes. I spray painted my name all over my Flag's wing binders. Therefore, Joshua Edwards is god."

"Uh…lemme guess…you spray painted it before the sortie call, did you?" He glanced at his comrade's mobile suit.

"Yup."

"Well since the paint was still wet when you took off, your name is all smudgy. I'm sure people are cheering your name right now. Something like Joska Edwanky. Yeah, that's what I read." Howard chuckled as he skillfully shoots down a DINN while dodging gunfire at the same time. "Wait, I think it's Josh the wanker or something."

"Fudge!!!" The blonde Flag pilot slammed his fists on the control panel.

"Cut the chatter, you two." Captain Graham Aker butted in. "Focus on the battle. We need to push them back before they take over the whole city. Well at least you guys managed to save that bus." He smiled while watching the vehicle drive past the rubble and away from the fight. Of course he doesn't know Saji and Louise are the ones inside. "I know Joshua is quite the impertinent moron but at least his aim is top notch. He may be an asshole but he's quite qualified to be a Flag Fighter. A person worthy of my squad."

"Hey you crispy and honey coated cracker, flattery won't get you anywhere. You damn right I got the perfect aim. Anyway, why the hell is Graham back to his season one persona? What happened to Mr. Bushido?"

"Since its Christmas time, Captain thinks the fans would love it if he temporarily went back to being Graham Aker." Daryl Dodge explained. "A lot of people loved the awesome Graham Aker, the ace pilot who has the tenacity and skills to challenge a Gundam even if he's using an inferior suit."

"But some argue Mr. Bushido is also awesome. In a campy kind of awesome." Howard added. "Of course I personally think it adds flavor to his character. Makes you wonder what happened to him during those four years before season two."

"What are you? His groupies or something? God, you two make me sick." Joshua sneered. "I bet you two sniff his dirty laundry, you sick assholes."

"Not really but we do his laundry." Daryl said.

"Oh and sometimes we take turns when we prepare his dinner."

"…"

"Ah yes. The Captain totally digs my special home made roast beef."

"Note to self: Ask for a transfer after this whole mess." Joshua said as he writes it down on his notebook. "Also, put a request to command to issue psychoanalysis procedures on Warrant Officer Howard Mason and Master Sergeant Daryl Dodge."

"Flag Fighters, I said cut the chatter!" Graham barked. "Focus on the battle, people. That vile woman, Lacus Clyne, sure got the nerve to ban Christmas. To think she had her forces attack our base during our annual holiday all male cheerleading competition. Speaking of that, what's the status of our performance practice before the attack?"

"Smooth, Captain." Howard reported. "Except when we do the pyramid. Joshua keeps breaking-

"Darn fudge it, four eyes! Running gags aren't always funny."

"Well gee whiz, Joshua! Then stop breaking-

"Okay the next time you mention something about me breaking formation, I am so gonna anally probe your Flag with my rifle. I will probe your suit so hard that Kunio Okawara would get an epic boner of epic proportions. It would be so epic that he would stop rehashing F91 and actually come up with another original design. It would be so fudging hard that it will break time and reality, transporting us to an alternate world where everybody hates Gundam Wing but loves Gundam X. A world where Turn A and ZZ got licensed to the States and a world where Toonami is still alive and broadcasting quality shows. A world where Gundam 00 didn't air and instead they made an anime adaptation of Gundam Unicorn!"

"…"

"My God, Joshua. You got some serious issues."

"Fudge you!"

"Uh…guys…we got a problem here." Daryl gulped as an extra large landing pod crashes near the plaza. All of the attacking ZAFT forces then clear out as the pod's mechanical locks open.

"Mother of God." Graham gasped in horror when a large pink Haro came out from the pod. "What kind of weapon is that? Be alert, Flag Fighters."

"Haro! Haro! Haro!" The pink monstrous thing chirped as it bounces around, leveling and crushing buildings.

"Such power!" Graham Aker was shocked after seeing the gigantic Haro's display of destruction. "All units fall back!" He ordered. "Formation H. I repeat, Formation H. We need to retreat and think of a plan."

"Don't be such a wuss, Aker." Joshua chuckled as he zeroes in to the gigantic Haro. He readies all of his missiles and locks in to the target. "I'll take care of this thing. I'll show you guys that I'm the superior pilot and not that buffoon, Graham."

"Joshua!" Howard called out to him. "I told you not to break formation!"

"Goddammit! That's it, Howard! Look forward for some rear cave exploring after I destroy this thing. I swear your Flag is gonna be rear ended so bad that-

Before he could finish his sentence, the giant Haro swallows him and his mobile suit. "Haro!" The pink behemoth chirped and bounces around again.

"My God!" Daryl exclaimed. "It ate Joshua! That thing freaking ate Joshua!"

"To think his last words were about him anally violating my Flag." Howard sobbed. "That formation breaking bastard will be missed."

"Joshuaaaaaaaaa!!!" Graham screamed in anguish.

**

* * *

SAJI'S APARTMENT**

**7:05 P.M. **

"What the hell is going on here?" Saji asked after finally reaching the apartment building. It seems several people from the neighborhood had formed a resistance group and converted the whole place into a command center. Anti-Lacus posters are posted all over the building walls. Christmas decorations litter the whole place as some sort of defiance to the pink princess and her campaign of terror. Heck, most of the designated resistance leaders are wearing Santa Claus outfits for uniforms. Christmas songs are being played on loop on newly installed speakers, it symbolizes as some sort of anthem to the newly formed rebel group. Holiday was never this messed up.

"You must be Saji-kun." A tall and gruff looking man approached him. "My name is Klaus Grad and I'm a prominent member of Kataron. Nice to meet you, young man." He grabbed the boy's hand and shook it.

"Uh…nice meeting you, Klaus-san. How did you know my name?"

"Your sister told me." He pointed to Kinue as she comes out of her apartment. "We rounded some of the citizens here and have formed a resistance group against Lacus' invasion force. This is also a joint effort with the AEUG and the League Militaire."

"Baby brother!" Kinue cried and hugs Saji tightly. "Oh thank goodness you're alright, Saji. What will I do if I lost you? Onee-san would be very lonely if that happened. So so lonely."

"Tch." Louise clicked her tongue in irritation and disappointment. "She survived from the school attack. I guess Gato-sensei is right, you can't kill this bitch."

"Did you say something, Louise?"

"Oh I said that I'm very thankful Onee-san is safe. Let me hug you too."

"No thanks, butter balloons. I don't want you suffocating me with those bovine fun bags, Holstein girl. Honestly, why does my brother love boobs? I checked all of his pornos and they're full of girls with big boobs."

"What a very interesting moment." Klaus chuckled nervously as a big sweat drop appeared on his head. "And who might you be?" He asked Anavel Gato.

"I am Anavel Gato. Also known as the Nightmare of Solomon. I'm a proud warrior of Zeon and also this boy's physic's teacher. It is I who brought him here."

"Oh. You." Kinue glared at the gray haired man.

"It's good to see you again, Miss Crossroad. Be sure to behave this time. I don't want a repeat of last year's school camping trip where you drugged the bus driver, grabbed his clothes and took his place. And when we finally reached the camp site, you purposely led the rest of the class to a forest where they got lost. Poor Sai Argyle was mauled by a bear and is now scarred for life. He couldn't look at a teddy bear without going berserk."

"Oh please, Gato. That glasses wearing brat had issues to begin with." She scoffed. "Remember during the trip he was drawing a picture of him piloting the Strike Gundam and stomping Kira Yamato to death. And during the actual camping, having recovered from the bear attack, he wrote this fan fiction where he's starring in this porn movie and did all of the female characters of the Cosmic Era."

"Ah yes…that was very disturbing." Gato remembered.

"Speaking of Kira Yamato." Klaus interrupted. "It seems he's the cause of all of this mess."

"It seems that way." Gato nodded in agreement.

"So what happens now?" Saji asked. "I'm kinda worried about the future here."

"We have to fight." Klaus answered. "We stand our ground here while a few of my comrades try to locate the whereabouts of Kira Yamato. If we bring him back to Lacus we can put an end to this ordeal."

"I'm sure a lot of countries are doing that right now and I'm pretty sure they're having a hard time." Louise said. "So how can you guys be sure you can find this Kira person?"

"Because we have something they don't have." Klaus flashed a confident smile.

"Aaaaand that is?"

"A lead." Ikeda, former JNN correspondent now turned freedom fighter, pops out of nowhere. "I got a lead we can use to find Kira Yamato."

"Ikeda!? You're a member of Kataron?" Kinue was shocked to see her former co-worker. "Wow. This sure is a surprise."

"So where did you get your lead then?" Asked Gato.

"Simple. I went to /m/." Ikeda happily replied.

"…"

"What? That place-

"Shut up, Ikeda." Klaus does a face palm. "Just shut up."

"The future of this resistance is looking very bright." Louise said sarcastically while giving two thumbs up. "We are so gonna win this war."

"I guess I know why you got fired." Kinue said.

"This is all nice and everything but I'm tired so I'm heading back to my room." Saji yawned. "I just hope everything goes back to normal tomorrow."

"Uh…Saji…well…you see…" Kinue smiled nervously and Saji could tell something is definitely wrong. "About your room…uh…"

"What about my room?"

"Let me handle this, Kinue." Klaus offered to explain. "Saji, please don't be surprised and please don't get mad. We kinda turn your room into our temporary interrogation slash torture room."

"WHAT!?"

"Hey Saji, I told you not get mad. We'll fix it up once this war is over. It's just that we found this really good interrogator and I mean we did capture a few ZAFT soldiers. You gotta understand, kid. Information warfare is modern warfare. Everything will go back the way it is and I promise you that, Saji. Oh I just realized our interrogator can be a little extreme so I guess you have to get used to the smell of blood. Oh right…uh…maybe change the wallpapers or repaint the walls."

"Okay this guy is broken now!" The Kataron interrogator slash torture expert burst out from Saji's apartment. It was none other than Relena Peacecraft. "Bring in the next one." Two Kataron soldiers then bring in a gagged and bounded Isaac Mau. The poor member of the Joule Team started struggling at the sight of Relena but to no avail. This meat bag is inevitably going to the grinder. "Like I always say." She pulls out a pair of mean looking pliers. "I am the doctor, you are the patient and of course this is surgery."

"Relena-san!" Saji called out to her.

"Oh hi Saji. Merry Christmas! I hope your enjoying your holidays 'cause I sure as hell am enjoying mine."

"Uh…is it true you're using my room as-

"Don't worry, Saji. We didn't touch your porn books and videos. But I have to say, you sure love boobs. Your naughty shows sure had a lot of sausage slapping between those hot and soft buns."

"Uh…why…my pornos."

"Oh don't be like that." She giggled. "Anyway time to get to work." She then proceeds to drag poor Isaac inside. God help that kid.

"Saji." Someone called out to him from behind. He turns around to find Setsuna F. Seiei standing near the front steps of his apartment. "I'm glad you and Louise are safe." The young Krugis boy said in his usual monotone voice but it's quite obvious he's really concerned about the well being of his neighbors.

"Thank goodness you're safe too, Setsuna."

"Same here." Louise nodded in agreement.

"This is quite the disaster. I hope everything goes back to normal. I was so looking forward celebrating Christmas with you guys."

"Oh that's sweet of you, Setsuna." The blonde Spaniard smiled. "Don't worry. I'm sure everything would work out."

"The others are coming by the way." Setsuna said and looks at his watch. "Soon."

"The others?"

"Celestial Being!" Nena Trinity appeared and does her usual V sign. "I was looking all over for you, Setsuna." She then snuggles him.

"Please don't touch me." He pushes her away.

"Oh you're playing hard to get as usual." She snuggles him again.

"Please don't touch me." He repeated and pushes her away again.

"No." She retaliated with another snuggle.

"Please don't touch me."

"No."

"Please don't touch me."

"No."

"Please don't touch me."

"No."

"Please don't touch me."

"No."

"Saji, why all of the people we know all have complexes? I'd kill for a normal friend. Really, I'd kill for a normal friend." Louise groaned.

"Hey I mean at least they're not dull. I mean…they're not dull like me." He lowered his head in surrender. "Oh man." He sighed.

"Setsuna, let's go over there." Nena then drags the young Meister to a corner. "Look up and tell me what do you see."

"Nothing."

"Oh don't be silly I'm sure you can-

"Hey Nena!" A Kataron soldier called out to her. "If you're looking for that mistletoe I put it over there. It was kinda getting in the way when we were fixing them windows. I hope you're not planning to use it on Setsuna because that would be a darn shame. I know it's probably not gonna happen but I'm a big Feldt X Setsuna fan and-

ZAP!

"Nena X Setsuna! Nena X Setsuna!" Nena Trinity screamed as she shocks the poor Kataron grunt with a cattle prod. "Nena X Setsuna! Nena X Setsuna! Nena X Setsuna! Nena X Setsuna! Nena X Setsuna! NENA X SETSUNA! NENA X SETSUNA! NENA X SETSUNA! NENA LOVES SETSUNA! NENA LOVES SETSUNA!" While the youngest of the Trinity siblings shock the living daylights out of the poor bastard, Setsuna slowly slides away from the carnage. Fandom is a very dangerous thing, folks.

"I kinda like both." Saji gulped. "I both like Setsuna X Feldt and Setsuna X Nena."

"Shut up if you value your life, Saji." Louise whispered.

"Klaus!" The lookout guy suddenly entered the building. "They're here! They're here, Klaus."

"Who's here?"

"My comrades." Setsuna answered. "Celestial Being."

"They contacted us not long ago. It seems they have a plan to end this invasion and make sure Christmas is not banned. Kataron, AEUG and the League Militaire are willing to cooperate with them." Klaus explained. "We have to show Lacus Clyne that she can't boss us around."

"That's right." Lockon entered the building along with Sumeragi, Feldt, Christina, Lichty, Allelujah, Tieria, Lasse, Ian and the rest of the Celestial Being gang. "If you folks want Christmas then prepare for war."

"Lockon!" Saji was so happy to see his boss.

"Season two cast also is here." Lyle Dylandy waved and behind him are Miliena Vashti and the Fereshte crew. "I also brought the side stories folks."

"Fon Fon!" Louise called out after seeing Fon Sparks.

"We got some pretty heavy duty guns here." Ikeda commented.

"Indeed." Gato smiled. "Their presence is quite overwhelming."

"We won't mince words here." Lockon pulls out a small memory card. "We got the mission plan here to counter the ZAFT forces. Don't be surprised as I tell you this. Our tactical forecaster, Sumeragi Lee Noriega, proposed this plan and it doesn't involve any kind of forceful interventions."

"What!?" Everybody was shocked.

"But they're bombing us to hell!" A Kataron soldier shouted. "So you mean you guys won't even fight?"

"Yup." The Irishman nodded. "We're gonna find Kira Yamato and bring him back to the pink princess. And we're gonna do it in a Christmas party!"

**

* * *

STORY NOTES**

And so ends chapter one. Two more chapters before the story ends and hopefully I'll finish them before the New Year. Beltorchika Irma is a character from Zeta Gundam and is one of Amuro's girlfriends. Sayla Mass is of course Char Aznable's younger sister. Kunio Okawara is an anime mechanical designer and has worked on for several Gundam shows. The Anti Earth Union Group or AEUG are the good guys from Zeta Gundam while the League Militaire is from Victory Gundam. /m/ is of course the mecha section in 4chan.

I hope everybody is enjoying their Christmas. I sure as hell enjoyed mine since I got a lot of loot. I got two Punisher Trades from my bro, Chrono Trigger for the DS, the Dark Knight DVD, Persona 4 for the PS2, Tales of Symphonia: Dawn of a New World for the Wii, Fruits Basket DVD box set from my cousin in Guam, and a pair of socks from my dad. Anyway thanks for bearing with my crappy writing and see ya on the next chapter.


	3. Operation Jesus Yamato

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GUNDAM

Warning: Some of the humor may offend you

**PHASE 2**

"**OPERATION JESUS YAMATO"**

**DECEMBER 23**

**SAJI'S APARTMENT**

**LIVING ROOM**

**7:45 A.M. **

Celestial Being is now the one leading the resistance group that's operating in Saji Crossroad's apartment building. Two days have passed after their arrival, Lockon and the others have finally located Kira Yamato. But during those two days, the ZAFT forces have occupied eighty percent of the city and decimated most of the Earth's militaries. The festive season is slowly growing dim and the only hope for survival lies on the hands of a select few. Kataron and AEUG members have all gathered inside Saji's living room which had been converted into some sort of briefing room. Celestial Being has called them in so they can finally prepare for the big operation. "Sorry I'm late." Klaus apologized after he entered the room. The expression on his face is heavy and there are deep bags under his eyes. "I couldn't sleep a wink last night."

"Have some coffee, Klaus-san." Louise handed him a cup.

His face brightens up at the sight of the caffeine filled drink. "Just exactly what I need." He smiled. "Thanks a bunch, young lady."

"You're welcome." She nodded.

"Now that everyone is all here we could finally start the briefing." Neil Dylandy stood up from his chair. "Thanks to the efforts of our agents, we finally tracked down Kira Yamato. Unfortunately, he spotted our agents and took them all out using his Gundam. They never stood a chance. He just started spraying beam shots everywhere and everyone got their asses handed to them. It wasn't even a fight. It was a one sided display of cut and paste animation. It was like God himself shoved a gameshark cheat device up Kira Yamato's ass and-

"We get it, Lockon!" One of the Kataron members shouted. "Everyone saw Gundam SEED Destiny so please get on with the plan."

"Destiny wasn't that bad." Saji whispered to Louise. "Sure it was flawed and all but I enjoyed it."

"Saji, if you don't want people to hate you then I suggest you keep that information to yourself. In fact if you mention you like Destiny again I am so gonna bash your head on the wall, capiche?

"Yes ma'am." He nodded.

"I take it everybody here is aware that the Strike Freedom and its pilot can defy the laws of physics, gravity or plain common sense. Okay back to the topic at hand, once we grab Yamato we'll contact Lacus. Now here's the good part. On Christmas' Eve and that's tomorrow, we'll set up a nice Christmas party for everyone and fix Lacus and Kira's relationship. If we succeed, I'm sure she'll pull out her forces and Christmas would be saved. I hope everybody is clear on that."

"Uh…Rockon, I have a question." Apolly Bay raised his hand.

"It's Lockon not Rockon." He corrected him. "Anyway, what's your question?"

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do we have to set up a Christmas party? Can't we just grab Mr. Angsty and just hand him back to her. Heck why don't we string the brat with explosives, give him to Miss Pink and blow that Lyn Minmay wannabe to kingdom come. Why do we have play marriage counselor to those two?"

"Uh…well…you see…umm…" Neil fumbled with his words. "Bah! Just don't mind the little details and do what I say for the sake of plot progression!"

"But Mr. Hard on!" Katz Kobayashi protested.

"No buts! And my code name is Lockon not Hard on!"

"We have no choice but to accept this." Klaus stood up and faced his men. "I know everyone is angry at Miss Clyne for the atrocities she did. I'm also angry I mean this Christmas I was really looking forward to get that new Kisaragi Gunma book. Heck I was waiting for like three months. Three months…I…uh…well…" Tears started flowing from his eyes. "I mean…wow…when the attack happened I was in Akiba. I was in front of the book shop waiting for the truck to deliver the mangas but this…uh…a ZAKU Warrior suddenly appeared and blew up the truck. Right in front of me. The truck blew up. All those books…those Hentai mangas…torched. Pages literally rained on the streets and on me. The ZAKU just stood there, like it was mocking me, and just flew off. Just like that. Kisaragi Gunma wasn't exactly a good scenario writer. Heck his stories are plain bullshit but…man…his art. His art is so boner inducing that's its scary. All of my life I never got so turned on by such artistic erotica. The way he draw those character's expression when they're making love. And that's when…that's when I decided something must be done. Of course before that I still trudged through Akiba and hoping to make do with Yamatogawa. I mean I loved his work on Witchcraft. But in the end all I got was a book by Juan Gotoh. It was about some graduation story and I was like, cool it might be good, but I was so wrong. I was never been so damned scarred. It was Goddamned disgusting and disturbing. I mean it was so disturbing that I cried. I cried really loud. Amidst all the chaos and shit, I cried like a little girl. Anyway, we got a little side tracked there. The point is, men, no matter how angry we are we have no choice but to trust Celestial Being's words. They're the ones who can stop this madness. Well that's all." He sat down again and continued to drink his coffee.

"Uh…well…" Lockon scratched his head.

"Klaus." Ikeda massaged his temples. "That was the most stupidest thing you have ever said. The stupid meter is off the charts, man. I mean I should kick you on the balls. Right here and right now but I'm not gonna do it because I know better. I can't freaking believe it that you prefer Gunma over Yamatogawa. I mean what the hell is wrong with you? Are you retarded?"

"Ahem!" Lockon cleared his throat loudly. "Focus, people, focus. Our tactical forecaster is now going to discuss the execution of the plan. Come on up, Miss Sumeragi."

"Ssssssssssshure thaaaaang, Hard on!" Sumeragi Lee Noriega stood up from her chair, whiskey bottle in hand and dragged herself to the middle of the room. "I'll taaaaake ovaaaa from heeere, Strap-on." She pushed Neil away.

"Good God! Is she drunk?" Asked an AEUG member.

"No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! No!" She then took another swig of her whiskey bottle. "I am not drunk! This is just courage juice. People drink courage juice when they haaaaave stage fright. Am I right, Moron Stratos?" Suddenly, for some weird and unexpected reasons, she started sobbing like crazy. "Emilio! Why did you leave me, Emilio? EMILIOOOOO!!!" She took another gulp from her bottle. "Gooosh darn it! It's kinda hot in here." She then removed her top. "Thaaaaaat's better."

"Excuse me, Sumeragi-san." A Kataron member said. "This is a very serious briefing operation not a college frat party."

"I know that!" She threw her bottle at the poor sap. "Okay dokey! Operation time! Here's the plan, ya sexually confused babies! We gonna capture that brat, Kira Yamato, and bring him back to Lacus Clyne. Okaaaay, the location is here on A Baoa Qu, then we gonna do the famous trench run on the Death Star and blow up Carozzo Ronah and that fancy Iron Mask of his! Theeeeen wesha gonna put Glamor Aaaaaker on some dream machine and force him to dream that dream thingy he dreams and kiiiiiiill that girl and that junky monster thingy!" She then pulls out another whiskey bottle and drinks half of it in one gulp. "Okay…then we gonna finish that Gundam Days story arc on the main Happy Fun Times Meisters fanfiction 'cause that idiot of a author is a biiiiiig prick. Dash flop has draaaaged long enuff! You know what? Let's all go back to Clannad 'cause those bug eyed girls are freaking me out. They fre--uuurp!" She then puked all over Katz Kobayashi and fainted. Lockon and the a few others quickly check up on Sumeragi only to find her fast asleep on the floor.

"Well that was a complete waste of time." Anavel Gato sighed.

**

* * *

30 MINUTES LATER…**

"Miss Sumeragi is out cold so Lieutenant Commander Anavel Gato will be replacing her. I'm sure everyone knows he's a capable soldier and commander." Lockon said while Gato stood up from his chair as he prepares to brief the men.

"I'm a man of a few words so I'll cut to the chase." The stalwart Zeon soldier said. There is an air of confidence and authority around him and it caught the attention of everyone. The sound of his voice is booming and full of inspiration. The man standing before the resistance members is indeed a true warrior.

"Gato-sensei is so cool." Louise blushed while poor Saji just hanged his head behind her. There is no way he can compete with his physics teacher.

"According to the information Lockon provided me, Kira Yamato and Flay Allster are holed up in a hotel owned by the Allster family. The agents who managed to escape radioed in and informed us that Kira and Flay are oblivious to the fact that Lacus Clyne has invaded half of the planet. I don't know the reason and I don't want to know. The operation is divided into two phases." He then activated a hologram device and showed everyone the layout of the hotel and its surrounding areas. "Phase one: We will capture Kira Yamato alive and deliver the brat to Lacus. Celestial Being and Kataron members will go inside the hotel and grab the crybaby. ZAFT doesn't know this information so we must avoid it from being leaked at all cost. The only time we will let Lacus know is when Kira is in our custody. I hope everybody is clear on that. Anyway, while Celestial Being and Kataron deal with Yamato, AEUG members must attack a nearby ZAFT encampment to divert their attention from the hotel. The whole mission will fail if they get to Kira first. After everything is all said and done, we proceed to the second phase of the operation and that is-

"PARTY!" Nena Trinity screamed and started jumping around the room. "We party! We party! We party and fix their relationship! We make them fall in love all over again."

"Miss Nena, please settle down." An AEUG member grabbed her hand.

"Sure." She nodded and kicked the guy right on the family jewels. "I'm settled now."

"Yes." Gato shook his head. "Unfortunately, the second phase of the operation is about us preparing a Christmas party and fixing the couple's very strained relationship. And for the love of everything that is sane and good, I have no choice but to question this-

"Plot progression, Mr. Nightmare of Solomon." Lockon reminded before he could finish his sentence. "We're doing this for the sake of plot progression so don't question it even if the whole plan is so darn questionable."

"I give up!" Gato then went back to his chair.

"Sounds like a plan." Somebody suddenly said and everyone turns their attention to the doorway. Graham Aker entered the living room acting like he owns the place. Behind him are his loyal wingmen, Howard and Daryl. "Do you guys have room for us? We want to give the pink princess a little payback for killing our comrade. Getting eaten by a gigantic pink Haro is not a good way to go."

"And you are?"

"Captain Graham Aker. I lead the Union's Overflags squad." He proudly introduced himself. "The two behind me are Master Sergeant Daryl Dodge and Warrant Officer Howard Mason. They are my loyal Flag Fighters and they follow me wherever I go."

"Wait a diddly minute, aren't you that masked dude from A-LAWS?"

"I dunno what you're talking about." Graham dodged the question. "We need to grab Kira Yamato, right? Then let us join in your little operation."

"I don't see why not." Klaus stood up. "Welcome aboard, Captain Aker." He shook the blonde man's hand.

"Klaus, how could you accept him so easily?" One of his men asked.

"Why?" He faced his comrade and looked him straight in the eyes. "Because we need all the help we can get. We're pretty much cornered here."

"Well if you guys need help then there's also room for us." Lunamaria, Meyrin and Shinn Asuka appeared out of nowhere. "Now before you all freak out because we're wearing ZAFT uniforms I want all of you-

"Holy shit! It's ZAFT! Our plan's compromised!"

"Do something!" An AEUG soldier barked. "How the heck did these guys managed to get in?"

"Everyone wait! It's cool! I know these people!" Lockon tried to calm everyone but they're ignoring him.

WHACK!

Nena bashes poor Shinn's head with a metal bat. "I got one! That's another on my kill list."

"WAAAAAAIT!!!" Saji screamed at the top of his lungs. "These guys are not our enemies. They're my friends!"

"Turncoat!" Nena then rammed the bottom end of the bat to Saji's stomach. The poor boy knelt down on the floor and nearly bites his tongue from the excruciating painful blow he received.

"Nena, you should really learn to listen." Lockon took the bat away from her.

"I know." She giggled and made a V sign. "I just like to hit people."

"Then hit the right people next time."

"I'm soooooowwwiieee." She bowed her head and made puppy dog eyes.

"Damn it. We can't stay mad at her. She's voiced by Rie Kugimiya and she's like a moe goddess." A Kataron member said.

"Darn tooting." An AEUG member nodded.

"Thank you!" She squealed and everybody blushed.

"I…can't…feel…my…can't feel…legs." Saji moaned.

"I'm sure Setsuna also forgives me." Nena hugged the Krugis boy from behind.

"Gundam." He said in his usual monotone voice.

"It's settled then." Lockon clasped his hands. "Luna and the others are part of team now. Let's all go outside and start the operation!"

"YEAH!" Everybody raised their arms.

"Hey let's use that Alvin and Chipmunks Christmas album as our battle anthem!" Eco Calore suggested. "The one with the dying kid and the harmonica."

"FUDGE YEAH!"

They popped in the CD before marching outside the apartment, leaving the unconscious Shinn and the incapacitated Saji on the floor. "Uh…guys…I'm in deep pain here…seriously this isn't funny." Unfortunately, the squeaky songs of Alvin and the gang drowned the sounds of his pleas. "Shinn, there's like red liquid coming out of your ear. Oh dear…that's not good."

**

* * *

LOVE HOTEL**

**MAIN LOBBY**

**10:00 A.M. **

Lockon, Relena, Shinn, Louise and Saji managed to sneak inside while Allelujah and Tieria handle the outside perimeters. Klaus was leading the Kataron guys on the rear of the building. Unknown to the five, Bernie Wiseman is also following them from behind while hiding inside a box. "Okay we're here." Saji said while checking out the area.

"Why do we have to sneak around?" Relena asked in an irritated tone.

"Discretion is the better part of valor, young lady." Lockon winked.

"The stars…the stars are so big. Look! A comet! I see a comet!" Shinn babbled crazily like Kamille Bidan during the last episode of Zeta Gundam. His head is all bandaged up. "So many stars!" He giggled like a child.

"I think getting hit on the noggin made Shinn a little crazier than usual." Louise said.

"Snap out of it, you twit!" Relena slapped Shinn on the back of the head.

"Hey! I can think clearly now." He laughed. "Thanks a lot, Relena. You cured my brain damage."

"Is that even possible?"

"Shut up, guys. Someone's coming out of the elevator." Lockon pointed. An attractive young woman stepped out of the lift while looking distressed and lonely. She constantly looks at her watch and everyone realized she must be waiting for someone.

"It's just a civilian." Shinn sighed. "Let's move out."

"Wait." Lockon suddenly came out from their hiding place.

"Lockon-san, what're you doing? We'll get discovered!" Saji tried to pull him in but Neil just pushed him away.

"This could be an advantage." He smiled. "I played enough hentai games to know a young woman inside a hotel during the holiday season signals a flag."

"Wait…what? How is that an advantage?"

"Quite a crack team we are." Louise banged her head on the wall.

Lockon approached the young woman and box appeared below them. Inside are three choices he could choose. Like the stuff you always see on your typical visual novel games.

**A. Hi. Are you waiting for someone? **

**B. You're pretty cute. Wanna hang out with me? **

**C. I got dumped too. Nothing like a good H-scene to let out all the frustration. **

Before Lockon could pick, Relena jumped out and in typical Super Robot Wars fashion a window appeared near her. Inside are four commands: move, attack enemy unit, defend and use ability. She quickly chose the last one and pulls out a large metal hammer from hammer space since she's near the target. "Metal Hammer, I choose you!" She shouted and swung it really hard, sending the young woman flying through the hotel windows. "No more distractions, Moron Stratos. I'm taking over command."

"My H-scene…it's gone." He just stood there with a horrified expression.

KE-RIIIIING! A white flash of light appeared on Relena's forehead, signaling a Newtype flash. For the uninitiated, the Newtype flash is like the spidey sense of Newtypes but…well…Relena isn't a Newtype but what the hell. A hotel employee then stepped out of the office behind the registration desk. Seizing the moment, Relena jumped over the desk, grabbed the dude and pointed her switch blade on the poor bastard's face. "You work here, right? Tell me what room Kira and Flay are on. She owns this joint, right? Now tell me or else you'll have a nice close encounter of the bladey kind."

"Top floor." The guy gulped. "Room 705. Here's the key and please don't kill me." He begged.

After knocking the guy unconscious, Relena marched towards the elevator. "Let's go, meat bags. Let's go grab ourselves a crybaby."

"Roger!" Both Louise and Saji replied.

"Hey Lockon, let's get a move on." Shinn called out to him but he's still lamenting about his stupid H-scene. "Oh for the love of fudge! You play too much eroge, Lockon. It's rotting your brain."

**

* * *

ZAFT ENCAMPMENT, A FEW MILES FROM THE HOTEL**

**COMMAND CENTER**

"Sir, we got company." The guy operating the radar system reported to his commander. "Several unknown mobile suits coming in all directions, sir."

"What? Patch it through the main monitor." He ordered.

"Yes sir." The monitor then displayed several AEUG mobile suits coming their way. Nemos, Rick Dias and all the works. Heck, they threw in a few Custom GM units just for continuity's sake.

"So the information we got was correct. Whoever sent it wasn't lying. Good thing I deployed several mobile suits near the bay area. That way, we could perform a pincer maneuver and send these bastards home packing and crying."

"Sir, the Izawa and Hendricks team are ready to go."

"Understood." The Commander nodded. "Prepare to engage the enemy. We'll see what they are trying to get inside that stupid hotel."

**

* * *

A-LAWS LAND BATTLESHIP, ALSO NEAR THE HOTEL**

**BRIDGE**

"Well now." Arba Lindt chuckled. "What do we have here?"

"It looks like the coded message we got was right." Lee Zhejiang told him. "ZAFT forces are indeed stationed on the area and rebel forces as well."

"According to the message we received, it seems Kataron, ZAFT, AEUG and even Celestial Being are making fun of ZZ Gundam." Lindt gritted his teeth. "I'll show them. I'll make those bastards pay for making fun of my favorite Gundam show."

"Well…uh…ZZ Gundam wasn't that good." Barack Zinin or Ginin or Genie or whatever said. "I fact I prefer Turn A over that piece of-

Before he could finish his sentence, Lindt pushed a button on the control panel near his chair and ejected Barack and his seat out of the land cruiser. "Idiot." He muttered to himself. "Anyway, launch all mobile suits! Destroy everyone and absolutely make sure that hotel is razed to the ground."

"Yes sir!"

"I'm truly grateful to the person who sent that message. Whoever he or she is."

**

* * *

WANG LIU MEI'S VILLA**

**LIVING ROOM**

"Merry Christmas, everyone." Wang smiled and drinks a glass of champagne. Turns out she's the person who located the whereabouts of Kira. She also leaked information about Celestial Being's operation to A-LAWS and ZAFT. Behind her, Ribbons Almark a.k.a green haired girly Amuro and his skittle gang engage in a really gay pillow fight. Meanwhile, Hong Long is just standing on the doorway and looking bored as usual.

**

* * *

PTOLEMAIOS II **

**BRIDGE**

"Sumeragi-san!" Feldt Grace called out. "Several A-LAWS mobile suits are approaching the hotel and a separate ZAFT fleet is coming in from the opposite side."

"What the hell is going on?" Lasse Aeon asked while manning the helm. "AEUG is supposed to divert the attention of ZAFT from the hotel. And why are A-LAWS forces here? They're not supposed to get involved."

"This is big trouble!" Mileina Vashti said. "Lockon and the others don't know what's going on."

"Oh no!" Feldt exclaimed. "Two more ZAFT fleets are coming in from the bay! I also detect an A-LAWS transport plane circling above the hotel."

"Damn it." Lasse slammed his fist on the ship's control panel. "The mission is compromised."

"Well sheeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit." Sumeragi tossed an empty beer can away. "It's safe to say we're fudged here. All that planning and whatnot gone to shit. Mirai, steer the ship away and blast outta here. Miriallia, contact the Shrike Team and tell them to stand-by. Malik, get me another beer. Once the Minerva surfaces out of the ocean, fire the Tannhauser and make sure to avoid those OZ mobile suits. Cowboy the fudge up, guys. This is gonna get bumpy! Hey Sarah, where the hell is my beer? My throat is getting dry! Move it, people."

"…"

"Why is Sumeragi taking command if she's still drunk?" Lasse asked Feldt and she just shrugs. Sumeragi then removes her top again and throws it to Lasse's face.

_"Setsuna here." _He reported through the intercom. _"00 Gundam is ready to sortie. Looks like everything is not going according to plan." _

"Let's just hope they make it out alive." The pink haired girl sighed.

"Space Captain Sumeragi!!!" The very drunk tactical forecaster danced around the bridge while wearing a pirate hat. "I need a parrot! Gimme a parrot! Damn it I said gimme a Goddamn parrot! How the heck are we gonna hunt for some space treasures if this space captain doesn't have a motherfudging parrot!? Space pirates shoooooooooould have shhhhhpace parrots!!!"

"The same goes for us." Lasse hanged his head.

**

* * *

LOVE HOTEL**

**TOP FLOOR**

Several of Flay Allster's security personnel greeted the gang after stepping out of the elevator. "This floor is off limits." One of them said.

Relena answered him with a vicious kick to the balls. "Pacifism doesn't have any fudging limits, ya bunch of asshats." She licked her lips and pulled out two tonfa batons.

"Hey what happened to discretion?" Lockon asked.

"Stratos, stop being a pussy and get a little personal with your enemies. Also I decided stealth is not needed anymore since the situation is getting a little out hand." She pointed to the window. AEUG, A-LAWS and ZAFT are having a three way massacre outside the hotel.

"Ouch." Shinn smirked. "Guess the Titans are getting left out."

"Holy shit!" Saji cursed. "What happened to AEUG's diversion?"

"Down the drain I'm afraid." Louise told him. "We got compromised. Somebody leaked our operation."

"How the hell we gonna get Kira out of this place if World War Three is happening outside?" Lockon asked. "Talk about clusterfudge."

Relena closed her eyes. "Worry about that later. Right now we gotta bag the beam spamming crybaby."

"Right!" They all agreed. "For Christmas!"

"For Christmas!" Bernie repeated behind them. He finally tossed the box away and revealed himself.

"Uh…what the fudge?"

"No time for that!" Relena then charged at the guards. "It's ass kicking time!"

"CHAAAAAAARGE!!!" They all followed the feared leader of the Sanc Kingdom.

"Having a broken nose can cause bruising, swelling and any kind of deformity." She said after bashing some poor shmuck's face with one of her batons. "Lower rib fractures can potentially affect the diaphragm." She kicked another one on the lower gut. "Having blood on your urine is a sign of kidney failure." She kidney punched a guard who is trying sneak up on her. "So act immediately." She turned around and takes out one guy with a sweep kick. He goes down hard and his ankle is broken. "I'm afraid surgery is needed if you have a Trimalleolar fracture." She stepped on the toes of another as he tries to pull out his gun. She then swings one of her batons and smashes the guy's jaw. "Facial trauma may vary depending on the injury. In this case you have a jaw fracture."

"That was scary and awesome at the same time." Shinn said.

"Well she always says that she is the doctor, you are the patient and this is surgery." Lockon smiled. "Saying that she's morbid is an understatement I'm afraid."

"Saji!" Louise cried out when a guard grabbed her from behind.

"Louise!" Saji tried to pull the guy away but gets a devastating elbow to the face instead. "Damn it! Let her go!"

"Hey buddy." Bernie called the attention of the guard. As he looks away, Louise quickly elbows him on the gut. She turns around and pokes his eyes using two of her fingers. "Step aside, young lady." The Zeon soldier approached the thug and flipped him over. He plants his boot to the guy's face before he could get up.

Suddenly another one charges at Bernie while wielding a butterfly knife. "Eat this!" He shouted.

"Yeeeeaaaarrgh!" Saji tackled the guy and gets knocked out cold when his head hit the wall.

"Saji, that was so brave of you." Louise helped him stand up and hugged him tightly. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." He nodded. "That was intense."

"Okay we're done here." Relena said after taking out the last guard. They head towards room 705 and Shinn immediately kicks the door down.

"We got a key, dumbass." Lockon groaned.

"Please." He frowned. "Ya gotta some dramatic flair and breaking down doors is dramatic as hell. Oh and not to mention I really want to get my hands on Yamato."

"Oh yeah." Louise remembered. "You hate him with a passion."

"Damn right." The young Coordinator clenched his fist. "It's due time I get a little payback for what happened in Destiny. The little turd needs to have his little comeuppance."

"Well what the heck we waiting for then?"

"Alright!" Shinn is the first one to enter the room. "C'mon you main character swiping piece of crap. Let's have-

"Iyaaaan!" Flay Allster squealed while lying naked on a large heart shaped bed. The kinds you see on sleazy motels, except this one is more grander and expensive.

Kira Yamato is circling around her while wearing a Gundam costume made out of cardboard boxes. The name "Strike Freedom" is written on the chest area of the poorly made outfit. Obviously, this is some form of cosplay sex or those silly kind of fetishes where you pretend you're a different person. That kind of sex. The point is Kira is wearing a damn box while circling around Flay who is naked. "The hell!?"

"Now everything makes sense." Relena sighed.

"Yup." Both Saji and Louise said in agreement.

"Yeah." Lockon nodded. "He left Lacus because of the booty. How could I forget episode sixteen of SEED? Kira can't tap Lacus' behind and do the naughty? No matter how many flags he triggers Kira can't initiate an H-scene with Princess Haro. Heck, Victory Gundam getting licensed to the States has more chances of happening."

"What about those SEED doujins?"

"SEED doujins are a lie!!!" Bernie shouted. "In fact all doujins are a lie!!!"

"Nah I don't think so." Saji chuckled. "I got one where Assram Zala is ass ramming Lacus on stage while-

"That was Meer Campbell." Lockon said.

"Saji." Louise grabbed the young man's shoulder. An evil and scary aura emanates around her. "Remind me to burn those."

"Yes ma'am." He gulped.

"I tried to draw one before. The story is about me magically resurrecting Mayu from the dead." Shinn said. "She was so grateful that-

"Shut up!" Lockon bonked him on the head. "Shut the fudge up before this fanfiction gets removed, asshole!"

"But the one I like best is the doujin where Saji fudged both Louise and her mama." Bernie snickered. "Best Gundam 00 H-doujin I've read."

"I thought you said doujins are a lie."

"Well they are but that doesn't stop me from getting one."

"Guys, you seriously can't forget this classic. It's a SEED Destiny one and it's so good I won't have any problems if they made it canon." Shinn said with a fond twinkle in his eye. "Okay it's set during our academy days. Lunamaria and I-

"Hold up." Lockon interrupted. "I've read that one. Of course you love the story. I mean it featured your pink cellphone."

"Heck yeah! Mayu was the center of the plot."

"Guys." Relena's eyes are twitching from anger. "Our target and his love monkey locked themselves up in the bathroom. You pricks were so engrossed in your little fapping material meeting that y'all didn't notice them sneaking away."

"Oh and a mobile suit is headed this way." Louise added and pointed to the windows. A GNX-704T Ahead is swooping down on their location while aiming its beam rifle.

"FUUUUUUUDGEEE!!!!" They all screamed and hug like a bunch of ninnies.

"Lockon, you died before so be my human shield!" Shinn hid behind the Irishman. "Its considered honorable when you sacrifice your life for a friend."

"Doujins are a lie! I told you guys! This is what happens when we talk about doujins!"

"That doesn't make any freaking sense!!!"

**

* * *

PTOLEMAIOS II **

**HANGAR BAY**

Inside the cockpit of the 00 Gundam, Setsuna adjusts his helmet while preparing to launch. The hatch opens after Ian gave the green light. The young Meister wonders if his comrades inside the hotel are doing fine. He tried contacting the bridge a few minutes ago to know their situation but all he could hear is Sumeragi's singing. She was dancing around and naming herself the pirate goddess. He then activates the Gundam's engine and launches out of the ship.

**

* * *

STORY NOTES**

Last time, I said I was gonna publish the last two chapters before New Year. Unfortunately, that won't be happening and I apologize for that. Turns out mapping the whole Operation Jesus Yamato thing turned out to be longer than I expected. Also, I would be very busy this week doing all kinds of holiday crap. I rather stay home, write my crappy fanfictions, play my Wii (LOL) and download some Punisher comics, the whole Warzone series to be exact. I already got the Main and War Journal. Then on to the annuals and whatnot. Speaking of Punisher, they haven't release the latest film yet here in the Philippines. I know a lot of people say it sucks but I'm still gonna see it anyway. I'm a big Punisher fan and I think the movie is the best interpretation of Frank Castle yet. Anyhoo…

Apollo Bay and Katz Kobayashi are characters from Zeta Gundam. Katz also appeared in the original MSG as one of the orphans inside White Base. Klaus Grad also laments about Gunma and Yamatogawa here. They are both hentai artists and both of them are very talented. If you're into hentai, do check out their work. He also mentioned Juan Gotoh here but I don't really recommend him. His work is not really good unless if you're into shotacon and other crazy shit. In fact, avert your eyes if you see one of his books. I portrayed Sumeragi here as a stereotypical drunk, with the slurred speech and all. She mentions Carozzo Ronah, the main baddie of Gundam F91. A Graham seiyu joke since his Japanese VA voiced the main dude in Clannad. Also Star Wars. Eco Calore appears and he's from the 00F side story. The chipmunks album he mentioned is from the 1981 animated special but I'm sure everyone knows about that. It ain't Christmas without the chipmunks is what I say.

I also did some seiyu in-jokes with Lindt and Barack here. Lindt's VA is the same VA who voiced Judau Ashta in ZZ Gundam. Barack's VA, on the other hand, voiced Harry Ord in Turn A Gundam. On Sumeragi's second drunken rant, she mentions the Shrike Team from Victory, Miriallia from SEED and Destiny, Malik from Destiny as well as the Minerva, OZ from Wing and Sarah Tyrell from Gundam X.

That's pretty much it. I hope everyone enjoys their New Year. Once again I apologize for the crappy writing and thank you for those who are actually enjoying my work. Also reviews and criticism would be happily appreciated. See ya!


	4. Lacus Clyne Loves Pizza Hut

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GUNDAM

Warning: Some of the humor may offend you

**PHASE 3**

"**LACUS CLYNE LOVES PIZZA HUT"  
**

**DECEMBER 23**

**LOVE HOTEL**

**TOP FLOOR**

**10:53 A.M. **

Last time we saw our heroes, they finally found Kira and Flay. Unfortunately, the gang got caught up in their little doujin discussion so the couple managed to sneak away and locked themselves up in the bathroom. And to make matters even worse, an A-LAWS mobile suit is headed straight for the gang. "No." Shinn muttered softly. "I'm not going down like this! I'm so close at getting back at Kira and this happens!" Shinn then started pounding the bathroom door. "Get out! Get your ass out here so I can at least strangle your neck before we bite the big one. Come out I say! Come out, you spotlight stealing asshole! Destiny was my show! My show!"

"Wow." Louise Halevy shook her head. "Talk about issues."

"Uh…Shinn-san, you can't strangle Kira. We need him alive so we can deliver him back to Lacus and stop this whole madness." Saji tried to reason with the raging Coordinator.

"Oh great." Bernard Wiseman sat on the bed. "Christmas and I don't really get along. I'm going to get incinerated to burger meat again."

"I really wish Feldt is here." Lockon Stratos sighed. "I want her to be with me during my last moments and feel her warmth. That cute pink hair and her sweet smile. Ah yes…I could see her now. Playing with Haro on a nice field of flowers while Enya plays in the background. She approaches me and hands back Haro, hiding away her face as she blushes. I take Haro and pat her on the head. She smiles and I smile back. Both us standing there without saying a word, staring each other intensely. I hold her hand and…and…and…and then…and then…then Tieria pops out nowhere. The Enya music stops and is replaced by some J-pop band. Feldt slowly fades into the darkness while the purple haired monster drags me away to oblivion. To oblivion where he does things to me. Oh sweet mother of fudge!" He covered his ears. "I could hear them! I could hear the fandom! They're demanding blood! They want Vowels and the sexy, stupid sniper to get it on! Oh no…please give back my Feldt. Give her back!!! Give her back!!!"

"Uh…huh." Louise raised one of her eyebrows.

"I will avenge Mayu!!!" Shinn tried to break the door down but Saji managed to restrain him somehow. "Onii-chan is here, Mayu! Onii-chan will get his vengeance!!!"

"Sigmund Freud will surely have a field day with you guys if he's still alive." The blonde Spaniard said.

"Oh for the love of monkeys!" Relena punched Lockon on the face. "Did your balls drop off or something? And you call yourselves men? Just because we're standing face to face with death doesn't mean we could all just surrender and cry like a bunch of babies. Oh we're gonna face death all right. We're gonna face him and look at him straight in the eye. We're gonna kick his nuts and give him the finger. We're gonna spit on his carcass and-

BOOM!

The Ahead mobile suit was destroyed thanks to a Deus Ex Machina plot device in the form of the Gundam Physalis. Anavel Gato smirked as he maneuvered the Gundam away from the hotel to battle more mobile suits. "Oh look we're safe." Bernie pointed outside. "We're safe!!!" He jumped up and down like an idiot. "Safe!!!"

"Oh yeah!!!" Lockon cheered loudly. "We're gonna live, motherfudgers!!!"

"Oh thank goodness." Saji sighed with relief.

"Really?" Both Kira and Flay pop their heads out of the bathroom.

"Yeah really." Saji nodded happily.

"Oh Kira!" Flay hugged the Ultimate Coordinator.

"I'm so relieved, Flay." He hugged her back.

"Yeah." She wiped the tears off her eyes.

"I'm so happy for you two." Louise smiled.

"Indeed." Lockon clapped his hands. "Christmas is indeed a magical time for young lovers and hentai game addicts like me."

"Doujins might not be so bad after all." Bernie sobbed and hid inside his box again. "Oh sweet fan made treasures, how could I be so cruel?"

"Kira, what have I done?" Shinn knelt down. "What have I become?"

"…"

"…"

"Ahem." Relena cleared her throat.

"Uh…"

"Umm…"

"Well now…"

"That was just pathetic." Relena scoffed and everyone realized the stupidity of the situation.

Kira slowly tried to close the bathroom door. "So…uh…well…I guess me and Flay should have our-

"GET HIM!!!" Shinn put Kira in a head lock and pulled him out of the doorway. "I got him! I got the bastard!"

"Let him go!" Flay screamed. "I'm not using him anymore! I love him and I want to stay with him forever! Our love was so totally screwed in SEED! I know you all seen the show so please don't do this! If you gave him back to that horrid Lacus, she'll do things to him. Things that will give you nightmares!"

"We feel your pain, toots." Lockon said. "But if we don't give him back then Lacus will burn Christmas along with the whole world in a flurry of pink madness."

"Saji, do something about Flay!" Louise barked at him.

"What? Me?"

"Yes, Saji, you!" She pushed him away.

Losing his balance, Saji stumbles and knocks down Flay to the ground. She grabs the collar of his shirt as she falls down and the young man lands on top of her, his face smothering her bosoms. "Sweetness." Bernie gave a thumbs up.

"S-S-S-S-S-S-S-Saaaaaajiiii!!!" Louise gasped.

"Iyaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!" Flay blushed and covered her face.

"Epic ecchi points, buddy." Shinn smiled.

"Hey she's mine!" Kira moaned. "She's my red headed bunny muffin."

"How could you?" The blonde European cracked both her knuckles. "You already have me and yet…yet you…oh you are so gonna get it, Saji."

"Wait a diddly minute, young lady." Lockon stopped Louise before she could pummel the boy. "Unlike characters from harem animes, we got some common sense here."

"Hah!" Relena went to a corner to laugh.

"Now that was entirely your fault, Louise." Lockon scolded her. "You pushed him and-

"Lockon." Bernie pulled the Irishman away from Louise. "Dude, don't mess with the order of things. One poor loser accidentally finds himself in a compromising situation in front of the main heroine equals to a stereotypical beat down that would make Naru from Love Hina proud. It's been done to death a thousand times but we don't interfere with them. Like I said…don't mess with the order of things."

"I'm sorry." Saji apologized yet his face is still using Flay's boobies as pillows. "But I have to say…you kinda smell nice, Miss Allster."

"Saji." Louise gritted her teeth. "I'm gonna paint the walls with your blood and use your-

KA-BOOOOM!!!

The whole building then started shaking violently after the explosion. Louise also loses her balance and stumbles on top of Saji. This time the young man is having a little face to face encounter with her crotch. "Double sweetness." Bernie gave two thumbs up.

"And so this fanfiction has resorted to blatant fanservice." Relena lamented while shaking her head in disgust. "It was only a matter of time I'm afraid."

"S-S-S-S-Sajiiiiii!!!" Louise quickly stood up, her face is beet red. "What are you doing? It's too soon for us to do that and I'm not mentally prepared yet."

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" He repeatedly apologized. He also helped Flay back to her feet. "It's because you…well…you suddenly…uh…"

"Oh now you're blaming me? You got some nerve, Saji."

"Knock it off, you two!" Lockon interrupted the lover's quarrel. "We can all recreate the Girls Bravo anime back on the apartment but right now we need to meet up with the others and skidaddle away to safety. This operation didn't go as planned but we achieved our main objective."

"Uh…Lockon, what the heck was that explosion just now?" Shinn asked. "It made the whole building wobble."

"In case you didn't notice, there's a three way mecha group sex outside, doofus." He answered harshly. "It's probably a stray beam shot or something."

"But…it kinda felt like the explosion was from inside the building."

"Oh it's just your imagination." Lockon's radio then starts beeping loudly. "This is probably Klaus. Right on time, buddy." He grabbed the radio and activates the receiver. "Lockon here, we finally got Kira Yamato. What is your status, Klaus? I repeat, what is your status?"

_"Nena…Trinity!!!" _

"…"

_"Nena…Trinity!!!" _

"Uh…Nena? Why are you here and why are you using Klaus' radio?"

_"Oh he dropped it." _She replied cheerfully. _"There was this big mobile suit and some explosions and lots and lots of explosion." _

"Uh…okay. So why are you here? You're supposed to stay on the base."

_"I got bored. Oh and you guys took Setsuna with you. That was so mean. Anyway, I came here so I can help out with the operation. The bad guys are inside the hotel, right? So Nena brought a box full of C4 explosives and planted them all on the basement. I already set them off so the building will collapse soon, killing the bad guys. See? Isn't Nena helpful?" _

"We're fudged." Lockon told everyone after hanging up. "That crazy Trinity girl rigged the basement with explosives and set if off. The building will go down soon in a matter of minutes. If we don't escape right away, we're all gonna get buried alive."

"Oh God! We're all gonna die!!!" Kira screamed.

"If I'm gonna buy the farm then you'll buy it with me." Shinn tightened his grip on him.

"At least I'll die with you, my love." Flay said with tears on her eyes. "This time…we'll be together at last."

"No I want my Lacus!" The Ultimate Coordinator wailed.

"Huh?" A bulging vein appeared on Flay's head.

"I'm sorry my cuddle bunny. My pink singing cupcake. I was wrong! So wrong." He sobbed loudly. "Lacus, please save me!!! Saaaaave me!!!"

"I say we kill him and deliver his dismembered body to Lacus." Relena suggested and pulled out a chainsaw. "Because I can't take this punishment anymore."

"How about we escape first." Louise said. The building then started shaking violently again and this time it's a lot stronger than before. "Damn it. C'mon guys, let's get the hell out of here."

"Okay focus, people, we need to focus." Lockon said calmly. "Bernie, we need your-

"Bernie is gone." Shinn pointed to the open window where the Zeon soldier jumped. "He bugged out already."

"…"

"Son of a bitch!!!" Relena screamed in anger. "Next time I see that twit, I'm gonna rip out his balls and shove them through his nostrils!"

"How are we gonna escape now?" Saji asked.

Suddenly, a GN-XIII mobile suit explode outside after being shot down. The unit's GN Drive crashed through the room and landed on top of the bed. "Guys." Relena smiled. "Gimme some paper clips, glue, and scissors. Oh and somebody hum the MacGyver theme while I get busy with this."

**

* * *

THIRTY SECONDS LATER…**

**OUTSIDE**

"HOW THE HELL IS THIS POSSIBLE!!!" Saji and the others held each other tight as they flew out of the building using the heart shaped bed. Relena somehow managed to attach the GN Drive to the furniture and made it fly.

"It's powered by love, baby." Shinn replied. "GN particles with love."

"Love is overrated." Relena said coldly.

"Out of one hole and into another." Lockon pointed to the ongoing skirmish outside the hotel. "We need to get out of this area fast. If those ZAFT dudes see Kira then-

"Holy shit!" A Ginn pilot gasped after detecting Kira on his monitor. "It's Supreme Commander Yamato! I found Commander Yamato! Hurry and contact the main fleet. Mistress Lacus needs to know this." He reported to his comrades.

"Too late." Louise sighed. "They saw him."

"No!" Flay screamed. "I'm not giving up Kira! He's mine and mine alone. I love him so much. I can't let that pink haired bitch take him away from me." She then hugged his legs. "Don't take my Kira please. Please don't take him." She wept.

"Aw dang it." Shinn gritted his teeth. "As much I love to strangle this dude, separating lovers from each other is not cool."

"Not cool indeed." Lockon agreed. "I know what you mean, buddy. I spent a lot of nights crying myself to sleep whenever I get a bad ending. I remember this one time when I was playing Tokimeki check in-

"We got incoming!!!" Two Aheads intercept them after detecting Kira. Now that the Ultimate Coordinator is out in the open, all sights are now focused on the flying love bed. Anyone who captures him can determine the fate of Christmas…and the whole world. One of the A-LAWS mobile suits then fires its beam rifle after locking on to the target.

Relena pulls out a katana and deflects the beam shot back to the suit, destroying it. "Holy shit, Batman." Shinn said in awe. "That was cool." More mobile suits then join the chase. The AEUG units try to fight off the hostile suits away from the bed but to no avail.

"Damn it. I can't keep up with this." The ruler of Sanc Kingdom said in frustration while deflecting more beam shots. "I wish we could have Kira board his Gundam so he can beam spray these bastards to hell."

"Oh Kira did enough spraying today." Flay grinned mischievously.

"What do you mean, Miss Allster?" Saji asked innocently. Lockon then pointed down to the bed's sheets. "Oh my…eww that's disgusting."

"Hey do you guys watch CSI?" Asked Shinn. "If this stuff dries out, you can still see the stains if you use those special goggles and-

"Can we please focus to the attacking mobile suits?" Louise clenched both her fists in irritation.

A ZAKU Warrior then attacks them from above and Relena expertly deflects the beam shot with her sword. The beam didn't hit the ZAKU but instead hits Katz Kobayashi and his G-Defenser while trying to protect the flying love bed. "Meh." Lockon shrugged his shoulders. "Nobody likes him anyway." He said as they watch the support craft go down in flames.

A Gunner ZAKU Warrior fires its long range beam cannon at the bed from one of the buildings below. The beam didn't hit it directly but only nicked the side. The force of the impact tilted the bed sideways and everyone manages to grab a hold of something to avoid falling off…except for Lockon. "Oh craaaaaaap!!!" The Irishman screamed as he falls down.

"LOCKOOOON!!!" Saji cried out.

"Oh he's done for. That poor bastard is street pizza." Shinn closed his eyes. "Now that he's gone…I'll be the one who's going to take over the bar. I'll change the name to Little Sister's Paradise and there will be-

"Oh my God, Shinn. That's just sick."

Tieria Erde and his Seravee Gundam appear out of nowhere and quickly catch Lockon using the mobile suit's hands. Everyone look!" Saji pointed happily. "Lockon-san's safe! Tieria-san saved him! Thank Goodness!"

"Lockon may be alive but it's still debatable if he's safe." Louise sighed.

"What do you mean, Louise?" Asked Saji.

"You're so dense." She giggled. "But I guess that's why I like you."

"Lockon-chan!" Tieria called out after opening the Seravee's cockpit hatch. "Thank goodness I caught you in time." He said, nearly in tears.

"Yeah…uh…thanks." The Irish Meister scratched his head. "Say Tieria, do you mind if you hand me back to the others. I still wanna ride the flying bed."

"No!" Tieria said sternly. "I won't do that."

"Uh…why?"

"Its better if you go inside the cockpit. This way I can make sure you're safe."

"As much I love that idea, I have to say no. It looks pretty cramped in there and I don't wanna bother you." Lockon laughed nervously. "Anyway, what are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to stay back on the base? I'm grateful and all but there are sure a lot of people disobeying orders lately."

"Well…I kinda watched all three episodes of the Pico OVA this morning. I was so touched by the story that I decided to scour the subways of Tokyo to find a person like Coco. It was by chance when I saw you guys being chased by ZAFT while riding that flying bed. Lockon-chan, listen to me please. After watching that OVA…I had an epiphany."

"Heeeeeeelp!!!" Lockon called out to the others. He stopped listening to Tieria after mentioning Boku no Pico. "Saji! Shinn! Relena! Help me!!! Somebody help me!!!"

"Come, my beloved sexy, stupid sniper." Tieria used the Gundam's hand to move Lockon closer to the open hatch. "Join me in my search to rediscover our passion. The fan girls want it. I want it. So you have no choice but to want it." He then controlled Seravee's hand to toss Lockon inside the hatch. The frightened and now deeply disturbed Irishman tried to jump out but the purple haired twink quickly closed the cockpit doors. "Pico, Chico and Coco. I hope you three are watching." He began to undress.

"Noooooooo!!! I want Feldt! I want Feldt not you!!!" He screamed but his pleas fell to deaf ears…well…more like too scared to do anything ears.

"This fanfiction has reached a new low." Relena said in disgust and everyone nodded in agreement. They all shudder in terror as they watch the Seravee Gundam fly off to the opposite direction.

"I think we're going to piss a lot of people." Saji said sadly.

"Anyway." Shinn changed the subject. "WE GOT INCOMING!!!" He pointed to an advancing Blaze ZAKU Warrior. The ZAFT mobile suit locks on to the bed and fires all of its missiles from its Wizard Pack. "Relena, do something! Avoid those missiles! Do some pretty avoiding fancy thingy moves. Maneuver the shit out of this bed or something. Just avoid those freaking missiles!"

"Do you see a steering wheel, dumbass?" She bonked him on the head.

"Then how the heck did we manage to control this thing then?" Flay asked. "I mean we got this far."

Instead of giving an explanation to the plot hole, Relena just stood up and pulled out a grenade. She bitten off the pin and threw it to the direction of the missiles. All of the missiles blew up before reaching the GN love bed. "That's your answer." She said and sat back again.

"I still think love is the answer." Shinn proudly pounded his chest while Kira nodded his head.

"Shut up." Louise slapped the back of his head.

"We still have company." Relena warned as five GN-XIII mobile suits ambush them from the front. Six more appear behind them. "Damn."

"Saji." Louise hugged her boyfriend tightly. "What are we gonna do now?" The blonde European asked in a trembling voice.

"Light them up, fellas." The leader of the GN-XIII squad said sadistically and all of the mobile suits aim their rifles at the bed.

"Shit." Relena gritted her teeth in anger. "I guess this is it."

"Look on the bright side, guys." Shinn said. "At least we're gonna die while riding a bed from a love hotel."

Relena gave him a vicious elbow to the face. "That's not something to be proud of, numb nuts."

Before all of the A-LAWS suits could pull the trigger on their rifles, the 00 Gundam suddenly appeared in a flash of light. Using both his GN Swords, Setsuna F. Seiei easily dispatches all ten mobile suits by tearing them up like paper. "Setsuna!" Saji happily called out to his neighbor. "Thank goodness you're here."

"Good thing I managed to get here in time." The Krugis boy smiled. His radar then started beeping after detecting more enemy mobile suits. Three Aheads attack the Gundam from the right side. They circle around the 00 and unleash a heavy barrage of beam shots. A stray beam then hits the side of the bed, tilting it sideways again. This time it was Flay Allster's turn to fall off.

"FLAY!!!" Kira cried out.

"Damn it!" Without thinking, Saji jumped after the red headed girl. "Don't worry I'll save her!"

"Saji, you idiot!" Louise tried to prevent him from jumping but it was too late.

"Damn it." Setsuna cursed while trying to go after them but the Aheads quickly block his path.

"Gotcha!" Saji managed to grab her in mid air. "Its okay, Miss Allster. I got ya."

"But we're still falling to our deaths!"

"Oh yeah." He smiled nervously. "Hey…wait. I see something down there."

**

* * *

CITY PARK**

**THE WORLD'S LARGEST PIZZA HOLIDAY FESTIVAL**

When Lacus Clyne began invading Earth, there are a few organizations and companies she didn't touch. There are many reasons why, but the most common are that she doesn't see any particular interest or said companies have some sort of deal with the PLANTS. Pizza Hut and its new CEO, C.C., is one of those companies since it's the biggest fast food establishment both in space and in Earth…in this universe anyway. Though the world is currently at war with the psychotic pink princess, Pizza Hut continues to serve the community with high quality products and various C.C. plush dolls. Their latest gimmick is to once again create the world largest pizza and they're holding the festival at the city park. "Good morning!" Lelouch in his Zero persona greeted the audience. "I hope everyone is ready!"

"We're ready!!!" The audience replied loudly.

"Say good morning to Pizza Hut's beloved and cute CEO!!!" Zero then introduced the green haired woman as she climbs to the stage while munching on a slice of pepperoni. "Oh I also like to announce the new line of C.C. plush dolls. Starting next month we'll introduce the special C.C. catholic schoolgirl version. Anyway, let's all begin the festival. Since we're lacking a vengeful Eleven turned honorary Britannian turned Knight turned asshole, we'll have our own Ashford Academy student, Rivalz Cardemonde, to operate the Ganymede."

"Rivalz! Rivalz! Rivalz! Rivalz!" The crowd chanted his name.

"I hate acting like a clown." Zero whispered to C.C. and the green haired woman just patted his back. "Well I guess it beats being dead and all."

"Mr. Zero, I'm gonna start now." Rivalz boarded the Knightmare Frame. "Now the dough is all cooked and the mozzarella has been applied. I'll just put on the toppings and-

SPLAT!

"What the heck?" Zero jumped off the stage to check on the pizza. "Aw darn." He said when he noticed Saji and a naked Flay have landed on it. C.C. turned pale as snow after seeing her gigantic pizza ruined.

"Ewww…I'm all sticky and wet." Naked Flay moaned after jumping off the pizza. She squatted on the grass while trying to remove the cheese off her bare naked body, giving the crowd a massive boner. Take note guys, in this universe the majority of Pizza Hut's customers are lonely males. It's a big factor why the C.C. plush dolls sells like hotcakes.

"Hey I know you." Saji pointed to Zero. "You're that masked dude who wants to start a rebellion or something." He then noticed C.C. kneeling on the stage. "Oh my God! I am such a big fan of the C.C. dolls. I own all versions! I even have the limited shrine maiden version."

"Hey is this supposed to happen? Is this part of the program?" Zero asked Kallen Kozuki who is standing behind him. "Why is he babbling about the rebellion? Doesn't this turd know season one is over?" Kallen just shrugs.

"Anyway…I love to stay but I gotta move." Saji jumped off the pizza and picked up Flay who is still sticky with mozzarella.

Suddenly a beam shot destroys the giant pizza, splattering dough and cheese all over the place. A modified GuAIZ R lands on the park to confirm if he got the target. "Did I get it? Oh crap…I think I hit the Pizza Hut Giant Pizza Festival or something. Miss Lacus is not gonna like this."

"Huh." Zero crossed his arms. "That's a ZAFT mobile suit and it destroyed our pizza…uh…the gigantic pizza C.C. is so looking forward to eat." He glanced at her and sees the green haired woman angrily tearing the special contract she signed with Lacus. "I guess ZAFT is our enemy now."

"Coming through!" Saji pushed his way through the crowd while carrying the naked Flay Allster.

"So where are we going now?" She asked.

"To my apartment…that's where everyone is headed." He then noticed the Z-01b Lancelot Club parked near a public rest room. "That will do. I'm sorry if I'm gonna jack this Frame but this is an emergency." He said after opening the cockpit hatch on the back of the Club.

"That weak willed tone in your voice…you…you kinda remind me of Kira." Flay blushed. "But you're a lot different than him."

"I…I see." He smiled nervously as both of them quickly boarded the Lancelot Club. "Lucky!" Saji exclaimed after seeing the activation key still inside the cockpit. He turned it and activates the Knightmare Frame. "Let's get out of here before they catch up to us."

"Right." The red headed girl nodded happily.

The Knightmare Frame then quickly moves out and a few minutes later, Rai from the PSP/PS2 spin-off game of Code Geass comes out of the rest room. "Man that burns." He zipped up his pants back on. "What the fudge? Where the fudge is my Club? Aw fudge dang it! Somebody jacked my ride! What am I gonna do now? I am so gonna be late for my date with Nunnally."

"About that." Zero appeared out of nowhere and put him in a tight headlock. "We need to talk, buddy." He then dragged Rai back inside the restroom.

**

* * *

DOWNTOWN**

"Crap!" Saji maneuvered the Lancelot to zip past the attacking Ahead who managed to ambush them immediately after coming out of the park. "This thing is pretty hard to control."

"Doesn't this thing have weapons or something?"

"I think it does but I dunno how to use them." He answered while smiling nervously. "I'm sorry I can't beam spam like your boyfriend."

"Just get us to safety." She barked at him.

"Yes ma'am." He obediently nodded.

"You really do remind me of Kira." She blushed again.

"Oh shit!!!" He screamed after halting the Lancelot Club. The ZGMF-X3000Q Providence ZAKU stands before them in all of its Kunio Okawara rehashing glory. "We're done for, Miss Allster." He lowered his head. "That thing really looks powerful and I don't have any idea how to use this Knightmare Frame."

"You…you really do remind me of Kira!" She squealed.

"Will you please stop saying that, Miss Allster." The ZAKU then unleashed all of its DRAGOONs as it prepares to destroy the Lancelot Club. "Oh well at least I'm gonna die with a naked girl covered in cheese. That's gotta count for something."

Before the DRAGOONs could even fire, a beam shot suddenly destroys the ZAKU's right arm. Another one then destroys the left arm. The RX-93 Nu Gundam and the MSN-04 Sazabi land behind the cowering Knightmare Frame with their beam rifles equipped. "Happy holidays, kiddo." Amuro Ray greeted him. "Looks like we got to you in time."

"Yeah." Char Aznable chuckled. "Just in time."

"Amuro-san! Char-san!" Saji was happy to see them.

"We were around the neighborhood, kicking some ZAFT ass since those twits destroyed my house and ruined my private Christmas party." Amuro said. "Then we saw AEUG, A-LAWS and ZAFT mobile suits engaging a massive threesome near some love hotel. Then…out of said hotel comes this flying heart shaped love bed and we noticed that you and a couple of your buddies were on it. So Char and I followed it but got ambushed by ZAFT."

"Yeah. After me and Amuro blasted the living bejesus out of those Zeon wannabes, we caught up with your friends and your girlfriend told us everything that has happened. The Celestial Being operation and the whole capture Kira Yamato mission and whatnot. We went to the place where you fell off and finally found you here."

"Hmmm…uh…sorry to interrupt you, Char, but our friend over there is getting a little agitated." Amuro pointed to the now armless Providence ZAKU. The DRAGOONs are still hovering above the mobile suit. Then suddenly, it fired off a signal flare and by mere seconds, several squads of ZAFT units surround the three. "Well now." The Federation ace chuckled. "Quite a pinch we're in."

"Indeed, my silly afro friend." Char smiled. "But I was about to mention this to Mr. Crossroad here. That we brought some friends with us."

"Nobody destroys our products and gets away with it!!!" Zero screamed as he rams his Shinkirou Knightmare Frame to the crippled ZAKU. Several Akatsukis, Gareths and Vincent Wards charge in to join the melee. All of the Knightmare Frames have the Pizza Hut logo painted at the back of the cockpit hatch.

The knocked downed ZAKU tries to stand but up on the sky, comes the flying love bed. "POWERED BY LOVE!!!" Shinn Asuka screamed while carrying the naked Kira Yamato.

"With love!!!" Kira repeated. "Shinn, I know you hate me and I think I hate you but let's show everybody our combined manly attack."

"Oh Kira, of course we'll show them." He replied while blushing and eyes sparkling.

"Indeed, we will." Kira nodded, also blushing and eyes sparkling.

"POWERED BY OUR LOVE!!!" They both shouted and used the GN love bed to ram it through the ZAKU's exposed cockpit. Both the Coordinators jump off before the GN particle powered furniture hits its target. Strangely, the mobile suit explodes after impact. I guess its love.

"And that everybody is our love." Naked Kira hugged Shinn from behind.

"Our combined manly attack that was powered by love."

Inside the Lancelot Club's cockpit, Flay Allster covered her mouth. "Saji, I think I'm going to be sick."

And with that, AEUG, Celestial Being and several others join in to fight off the ZAFT mobile suits. It was a massive orgy of mecha goodness. It was epic. It was big. It was a spectacular display of metal clashing through metal on the snow filled streets of Tokyo. The fight to save Christmas has reached its boiling point. "We are Gundam!!!" Setsuna swooped in as he rips apart a squad of ZAKUs and CGUEs with his two GN Swords.

The Ptolemaios II hovers above the battle to provide air support. "Desssshtroy all Gundamsssh! For ZAAAAFT!!!" Sumeragi wailed inside the bridge. "Emiliooooo!" She then knelt down on the floor and proceeds to throw up.

"I am not cleaning that." Lasse Aeon said grumpily.

"We need reinforcements!" A ZAKU pilot shouted to his radio. "We are being overwhelmed! I repeat we need reinforcements! They're ganging up on us like--eeeeeyarggh!!!" Relena smiled after dropping the now empty bazooka. Another ZAFT mobile suit towers above her but she remains unnerved, instead she gets more excited. Pulling out a combat knife, she charges towards the mobile suit with reckless abandon.

Her suicidal charge was a success. Due to her small figure, the mobile suit couldn't properly lock on to her. Her nimble reflexes also helped too and like a graceful ballet dancer, she leapt to the rubble and bounced off to cling on the outside hatch of the mobile suit. She jabbed the knife on the control panel near door and tinkered with it, forcing the hatch to open. "I'm a person who loves to get a little hands-on with my adversaries." She poked her head inside the cockpit, scaring the young ZAFT pilot. "Know that I got you and your mechanical giant using only a combat knife, and use it I shall." She grinned sadistically. "Now…let me explain more about my hands-on approach." She twirled her knife in front of the terrified pilot.

"Yeehaa!" Nena Trinity screamed with delight after shooting down the two BuCUEs that are about to attack the 00 Gundam from behind with her Gundam Throne Drei. "Nena got your back covered." She said and made a V sign. "Ne Setsuna, is it true that you like Feldt?"

"Uh…that pairing isn't canon, Nena." Setsuna replied dryly as he takes out an attacking GOUF Ignited.

"Really?" She asked while slicing a GINN in half with her beam saber. "Are you sure about that?"

"Positive." He said and decapitates a GINN Ocher Type with his GN Sword. "One hundred percent positive."

"Oh c'mon! You're lying are you?" She whined while smashing the cockpit hatch of a GAZuOOT. "If you really like Feldt Grace then Nena would be upset." She pouted as she hurled the now destroyed GAZuOOT to an unsuspecting squad of GINNs. "Please Se-chan, don't lie to Nena."

"Now why would I lie to you?" He asked after shooting down a DINN. "And don't call me Se-chan."

The Seravee Gundam lands near the Lancelot Club, a disheveled Lockon disembarks from the Gundam while Kira and Shinn approach the Knightmare Frame. The battle around them intensifies while the Irishman climbs aboard the cockpit of the Club and pulls out Saji. "Finally found you, kid." He said.

"Egads! You look like hell, boss." The boy gasped in horror.

"Forget about me." He replied sharply. "It's time to finish this, kid."

"Right." Shinn said and suddenly grabbed Kira's head. "Sorry, you big douche bag but I gotta do this."

"But what about our manly love?"

"Goddammit, Yamato, you know I have a little sister complex." He said and gave the Ultimate Coordinator a devastating head butt. He then tosses the dazed Kira on the middle of the street. "Saji, now!"

"Right!" He jumped off and quickly charged towards where Kira is.

"Hey!" Zero called out to him after disembarking his Knightmare Frame. "Take this." He handed him a handgun. "Do what you gotta do and please support Pizza Hut."

"Thank you!" He said after taking the gun. Saji then aims the firearm at Kira's forehead. "Hey you morons! I got your Kira here!" He called out to the ZAFT mobile suits. "Stop fighting or else I'll decorate the streets with his brains."

"Now this is interesting." Amuro smiled.

"Didn't you hear me? I said all ZAFT mobile suits need to lower their guns or else this beam spamming crybaby dies."

"Hey…uh…you're bluffing? Uh…Right?" Kira asked. "I mean I am a Coordinator so that means I'm physically superior. I could easily disarm you and such but what the hell…it's your win."

All of the ZAFT forces then stopped fighting and withdrew their guns. "Now…let me talk to Miss Lacus Clyne." He said as his friends gathered around him. "We have something important to discuss with her."

**

* * *

STORY NOTES**

Sorry for the delay since I was really busy last week. I hope everybody enjoyed their New Year celebration. Anyway, the next chapter will be the last one and that will be the Christmas party. I had a lot of fun writing this chapter since it was full of action and some really weird references. Though, I kinda rushed it at the end. Bernie mentions Naru and Love Hina here. I think everybody knows that series. Girls Bravo also gets mentioned. Louise Halevy's seiyu voiced one of the main characters in Girls Bravo. Boku no Pico is a yaoi shotacon OVA. And yes I did watch it…more like was forced to watch it anyway. I gotta admit I did find the story amusing and entertaining for a show about cross dressing boys boinking each other. That's a minus on my manly points by the way. And yes, a few characters from Code Geass appear here. Zero and his gang are slated to appear on the main HFTM series to finally end the miserable Gundam Days story arc. Rai is from the PS2/PSP game, Lost Colors, as well as the Lancelot Club. I never played it since its Japanese and I think Rai can actually date Nunnally on that game.

Well that's it for now. Again, reviews and criticisms would be happily appreciated. Also I apologize for my crappy writing and my really crappy English. See ya on the next chapter and Happy New Year!


	5. Christmas Is Powered By Love

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GUNDAM

Warning: Some of the humor may offend you

**PHASE 4**

"**CHRISTMAS IS POWERED BY LOVE"**

**DECEMBER 24**

**SAJI'S ROOM**

**7:05 P.M. **

"Are you done?" Louise Halevy asked after she entered the room. "Some of the guests have arrived."

"Yup." Saji nodded after fixing the collar of his really expensive coat. "Sorry for taking so long, Louise. Nee-san wants me to wear this since it was her Christmas present last year. I wouldn't hear the end of it if I didn't." He turned around and his jaw nearly drops to the floor after seeing Louise's really sexy Santa outfit.

"You like it?" She smiled while posing in front of him. The outfit was well made and the matching red mini skirt wasn't bad either.

"Yeah." He replied while blushing and looked away. "That outfit really suits you, Louise."

"That's enough dawdling." She grabbed his hand. "Let's go down and start the party. Everyone is waiting."

"Uh…about Miss Lacus…has she arrived?" He asked nervously.

"Nope." She shook her head. "By the way, you were so cool when you pointed that gun at Kira. That manly voice you used when you demanded Lacus to pull out her forces…Oh I was really blushing and everything."

"I…I see." He chuckled.

"C'mon." She dragged him out of the room. "You saved Christmas so enjoy the party. Mr. Amuro and Mr. Char are already here."

"Okay." He gulped.

"For courage." She kissed him on the cheek.

"Uh…ah…uh…eh…" Saji's face was so red that smoke is coming out of his ears. "Uh…ah…wow."

"Oh quit being such a dolt and come down already." The blonde haired Spaniard said in irritation. She dragged the poor boy down to the living room where everybody is waiting.

**

* * *

LIVING ROOM**

"Puru!" Char Aznable's Puru clones gathered around Saji after he came down from the stairs. "Puru! Puru! Puru! Puru!" They all cheered while snuggling him.

"Eeeeeh…what's going on here?"

"Hah! My Puru clones are just really grateful to you, kiddo." Char approached him while carrying a glass of champagne. He's wearing his uber spiffy Neo Zeon uniform, complete with the swanky cape and stuff. "You saved Christmas after all."

"Yes…that's nice." A big bulging vein appeared on Louie's forehead. "But why are they snuggling him? Make them stop, Char-san."

"You don't need to worry, Louise-chan." Mama Halevy appeared out of nowhere. "You don't have to feel threatened because Saji-kun loves mature and big boobs. Especially my boobs." She grabbed his head and smothered the young man with her motherly bosoms that could rival a Holstein cow."

"Mama!" Louise cried out in protest.

"Puru! Puru!" The Puru lolis continued to dance around while the older Halevy woman slowly suffocates Saji with her bazoombas. "Puru! Puru!"

"Let him go, Mama!" Louise screamed as she tried to pull Saji away from her. "You're killing him! You're killing my boyfriend with your flabby boobies."

"My word, child." Mama raised one of her eyebrows. "That is so rude."

"This is going to be an awesome Christmas party." Amuro Ray raised his champagne glass.

"Indeed, my egotistical and afro wielding friend." Char closed his eyes and nodded his head. "Don't you agree, Lockon-san?"

"This has been a really bad year for me." The Irish Meister repeatedly banged his head on the wall. "My bar blew up, a lot of weird people messed up my life, I died on Gundam 00 season one and was replaced by my younger twin brother and Tieria did a lot of things to me yesterday. Things that could drive an eroge loving man like me to the edge. Oh I could still hear that purple haired androgynous freak giggling like a ninny. Inside that dingy and cramped cockpit…he…he…"

Allelujah Haptism is behind him and he's trying his best to cheer the guy up. "Hey look on the bright side, Lockon-san. At least you made a certain group of people happy with that dreadful incident with Tieria."

"You mean the yaoi fan girls?"

"Y-Yeah!" He nodded. "You suffered for their sakes and that is something you should be proud of."

"The Gundam franchise is fudged." Amuro hanged his head.

"Hey Allelujah, you're gonna stay with me here, right?" Lockon wiped his tears. "You're not going anywhere? You're just gonna sit still and cheer me up like always, right? The ever optimistic Allelujah Haptism is just going to stay with me here, right? You're gonna say "It's alright, Lockon-san" and "Cheer up, Lockon-san" like always, right?"

"Uh…well…of course!" He laughed nervously and a sweat drop appeared above his head.

"Hey I think poor Lockon snapped and regressed to a child-like state." Amuro whispered to the legendary Red Comet.

"Is that even possible, Amuro?" Char whispered back.

"Dude, I've seen weirder shit."

"Oh like a bunch of Newtype monkeys piloting a mobile suit?"

"Man, that shit is weird and badass at the same time."

"They reeeeeeally need to animate Crossbone Gundam. Seriously."

"Oh Allelujah, I'm sorry I took so long." Soma Pieries a.k.a Marie Parfacy came out of the bathroom. "Well shall we?"

"We shall." Allelujah nodded his head while blushing. "Let's go to the dining room and grab something to eat." Soma then clung to him as they make their way to the kitchen. "I'm really happy that you're here, Marie." He said as the couple go into lovey-dovey mode.

"Wait!" The Irishman called out to them. "Allelujah, you promised you'll stay by my side! You promised you'll comfort me, you bastard!"

"You don't need them, Lockon-chan." Somebody suddenly said and everyone turned their eyes to the front door. It was none other than Tieria Erde and he's dressed up like a girl…again! He's wearing the same outfit he wore on episode eight of Gundam 00 season two. Horrified, everyone pressed their backs on the wall while the sexually confused Meister slowly approached the cowering Lockon. "You don't need Allelujah or anyone else, my dear Lockon-chan. You have me and I'm the only person you need. Didn't we discuss about our love yesterday?"

"Puru!!!" The Puru clones hugged Char's legs while trembling in fear.

"Oh sweet holy Gihren Zabi humping Kycillia Zabi in epic incest passion!" Lockon exclaimed.

"Oh shit, that is just fudged up." Amuro turned his head away in disgust.

"There are things you don't mess with, Lockon." Char warned. "And that is one of them, buddy."

"Eeeeeeyaaaah!!!" Lockon screamed as he runs way from Tieria.

"Wait, my love!" Tieria ran after him. "Please don't leave me! I mean I dressed up for you! I'm even wearing panties, Lockon-chan! You love panties, right?"

Setsuna F. Seiei and the Fereshte crew arrive in the apartment a few seconds later. Upon entering, they notice the horrified expressions on everyone's faces. "Did something happen?" The young Meister from Krugis asked.

**

* * *

OUTSIDE**

**7:28 P.M. **

The FFMH-Y101 Eternal slowly lands in front of the apartment. Several ZAFT mobile suits who served as escorts for the pink princess also lands besides the ship. When Saji Crossroad threatened to whack Kira Yamato, one of his demands is for Lacus to attend their Christmas party and patch things up with the Ultimate Coordinator. PLANT Chairwoman, Lacus Clyne, disembarks along with Kira and the Joule Team. Also with her is Meer Campbell, the poor young girl is only wearing her underwear and a leash is wrapped around her neck. Of course, Lacus is the one holding the chain and dragging her around like a dog. "So, this is Saji Crossroad's place." She sneered. "What a dump. And they expect me to set foot in this pigsty? Well they did returned Kira to me so I guess I should at least amuse myself with the boy who the had the pair to go up against the great Lacus Clyne."

Flay Allster also shows up and her face turns red with anger when she saw the pink princess. "What the fudge are you doing here, Clyne?"

"I should be the one asking that!" Lacus pointed at her. "You came to take my Kira away again, did you?"

"My strawberry cuddle bunny! You came to save me!" Kira quickly jumped at the red headed girl but she suddenly kicked him away in disgust.

"You can have this freak. I don't need him anymore."

"Wha-huh!?"

"I fell in love with another guy. He's brave, kind and strong when he needs to be. He saved my life yesterday at the risk of his own. Something Kira didn't do during the last episode of SEED."

"Don't tell me!" Both Kira and Lacus gasped. "You fell in love with him!?"

"Yes!" She answered proudly. "I fell in love with Saji Crossroad."

"But that dude has a girlfriend." Kira told her. "A really violent girlfriend."

"Like hell that's gonna stop me." She retorted.

"I see." Lacus put her hand on her chin as she thinks. "Very well, Flay. For now I believe you but that doesn't mean I trust you. I fully support this romance. I still want to see you die in a horrible and slow death…with flames and pitchforks and numerous SEED clip shows that could make a person's brain melt."

"Likewise, you Lyn Minmay rip-off." She said and both girls shake hands while grinning evilly.

"Oh I am so giving this to my precious Saji-kun." Christina Sierra passed by while carrying a large Christmas present.

"Wait!" Lichtendahl Tsery is right behind her. "Chris, what about me? I gave you lots of presents and…oh what do you see on Saji anyway? That guy is a total wimp and he whines a lot. Why can't you return my love?" But unfortunately, Christina doesn't acknowledge his existence. She continues to hop towards Saji's apartment while happily humming a tune, completely ignoring poor Lichty. "Excuse me." He apologized after accidentally bumping into Lacus. "Oh…crap." He muttered after realizing who he bumped into.

"You sure got guts, you maggot." She gritted her teeth. "I bet that felt good. I bet you felt really good after you bumped into me, maggot. I bet deep inside your mind you're laughing because you bumped into Lacus Clyne. You bumped into her and you're planning to brag about it to your friends later."

"No!" He frantically waved his hands. "That's not it, Ma'am. It didn't felt good and I'm not gonna brag about it to my friends! I mean I don't even have friends!"

"Get him!" She ordered the Joule Team. "Mess him up!" Yzak Joule, Dearka Elsman, Shiho Hahnenfuss and the rest of the squad beat up Lichty using steel pipes. "Yeah make the bastard bleed! Fudge him up! Fudge him up good!" The pink princess squealed sadistically. "That's right, my puppets! Make him bleed like a broken bottle of ketchup!"

"Ouch! I'm half machine but this fudging hurts like hell! Oh not the crotch! Don't hit my heat seeker for the love of fudge! Owwwwwwww! Son of a bitch! That hurts! I think you broke my balls! How the hell am I gonna impregnate Christina now? Ouch! Arrrrgh! Oh wait don't zap me with a taser! You'll mess the wires inside of meeeeeeeeaaaaaaarrrrrrrgh!"

**

* * *

DINING ROOM**

"Here Saji-kun." Mama Halevy tried to feed him some fried shrimp. "Have a taste of this."

"Uh…I think I can feed myself, Ma'am." He chuckled nervously.

"Didn't I tell you to just call me Mama?"

"Uh…"

"Mama, you're embarrassing him!" Louise cried out. "Leave him alone."

"Oh be a good girl and mingle with that Smirnov boy." She pushed her away.

Andrei Smirnov approached Louise and gave her a creepy stare. "Nice to meet you, young lady." He said while licking his lips. "You're mother invited me so I can finally talk to you. Maybe we should go to the corner over there and--Yeeeaaargh!!!"

"Mama!" Louise called out to her mother after kicking Andrei right on the family jewels. "You invited a pervert!"

"Oh he's such a nice boy. You didn't have to hurt him."

Graham Aker and his loyal wingmen enter the dining room. The blonde ace pilot is now back to his Mister Bushido persona. "MIIIIISTAH…BUSHIDOOO!!!" He raised both his arms and announced his name proudly. A green Haro unit with a mistletoe taped on its back landed on his face. "Get off." He tossed the robotic thingy away.

"Oh my God." Howard Mason gasped after spotting Joshua Edwards. The Union pilot is sitting near the dining table and is busy stuffing his face with food. "Joshua, you're alive!" The three of them approached him.

"Of course I'm alive, you freaking numb nuts." He stood up. "You three morons didn't check out if I was really dead or not after that gigantic Haro swallowed me. You were all busy screaming my name and bawling like a bunch of pansies. Okay I slowly struggled inside that pink monstrosity and managed to bust out through the Haro's ass! Did you hear me? I went out of that thing's ass! That Haro literally pooped me out. When I looked up in the sky, the three of you were already gone. My Flag was busted beyond repair so for two days I dragged my wounded ass back to HQ and nobody was there. Not a fudging soul. Also my things were gone and I was listed as KIA on the bulletin board."

"Yes…about your things." Daryl Dodge scratched his head. "Since we didn't have a body to bury, we kinda grabbed all of your stuff and buried them at the back of the base."

"You…what?"

"Yeah. Oh and we killed your pet cat and buried it along your things too."

"What? Mr. Bubbles? You killed Mr. Bubbles!?"

"Look, Joshua, we were trying to be ceremonial and stuff." Howard tried to explain. "The Captain told us that back in ancient times, when important people die they also kill and bury some of their slaves to join the deceased. And since you're kinda lacking some slaves, we killed…your cat. I promise you it was a quick death. Mr. Bubbles didn't suffer."

"That's not true." Daryl said. "It wasn't a quick death. The ceremonial dagger you gave me wasn't sharp and it was kinda blunt. I was trying to cut the damn cat's head off for like half a day. Corporal Ennings was crying his eyes out and begging me to stop but you know it was for the sake of ceremony."

"The important thing is, Joshua." Howard patted him on the back. "We did it for you."

"For you, buddy." Daryl placed his hands on his shoulders. "That was for you." He began to cry. "For our precious comrade who lost his life in battle, we slowly beheaded his cat and buried his things." He sobbed. "For you, my friend. For you."

"That cat was with my family for eight years. Eight long years."

"And we shall celebrate those eight years tonight." Howard raised his fist. "For Mr. Bubbles!"

"Mr. Bubbles!"

"I. Hate. All. Of. You." Joshua gritted his teeth.

"MISTAAAAAH…BUSHIDOOOOO!!!" Bushido announced his name again for no apparent reason.

"Shut up, you motherfudging bonehead!"

**

* * *

MEANWHILE…**

"Saji-kun, here's your present." Christina handed the present to him. "Merry Christmas."

"Oh thank you very much, Sierra-san." He smiled after receiving his gift. "A Merry Christmas to you too."

"Oh my beloved Saji-kun." She suddenly hugged him. "Now that I have given you your present…my heart…my heart is beating so hard. I feel so hot…oh my love. Such cruel fate…oh such cruel fate. I must have you…I can't take it anymore…oh I shall ravish you here this instant." She blushed.

"Oh yeah porno time." Amuro cheered and sat on the recliner.

"Cover your eyes, my precious Puru clones." Char said and the girls obediently followed orders. "Kids these days." He sighed.

"Uh…Sierra-san, please let me go." Saji struggled but her grip is really strong.

"No." She replied. "I don't care anymore. Come my love, let's do ecchi things and-

BONK!

Kinue Crossroad appeared out of nowhere and gave Chris a nasty bump on the head with her bat, rendering the girl unconscious. "Geez." She sighed heavily and tossed the bat away. "Good thing I made it in time."

"Nee-san, where have you been?"

"Sorry, I kinda fell asleep while hiding inside your closet."

"Uh…why were you-

"Isn't it obvious? I was peeping when you were changing your clothes."

"WHAAAAT!?" Louise comes running in from the kitchen.

"Oh. You." Kinue frowned.

"Nee-san, what kind of sister peeps on her younger brother? That is not right. Since you're his only guardian, you should be a good model for him." The blonde European lectured her.

"Oh put a sock on it, you big breasted bovine monster." Kinue stuck her tongue out and waved her hands in a mocking manner. "Run along now, we'll call you when we need some breast milk."

"Why…you…" Louise clenched both her fists in anger. "You flat chested woman! You're flat like an airport runway! In fact, if you lay down on the street, an airplane might try to land on you."

"What did you say, you brat?" A bulging vein appeared on Kinue's head. "C'mere so I can slap the rudeness out of your mouth."

"Guys…please don't fight." Saji tried to defuse the situation.

"Family drama on Christmas." Somebody suddenly said and they all turn around to see Relena Peacecraft entering the dining room while being accompanied by Pagan and Lucrezia Noin. "It's always like this in the Crossroad household."

"Oh it's good that you made it, Relena-san." Saji approached her. "It seems Lacus is not here yet."

"I saw her outside. She's beating that android guy from Celestial Being to a bloody pulp. Flay Allster is also with her."

"Miss Flay is here?"

"Beats me." She shrugged. "Anyway, I'm starving so I'll just scoot over there at the dining table and indulge myself with some Christmas home cooking."

"Why is Miss Flay here?"

"Because!" She appeared along with Lacus and her merry friends. "I fell in love with you, Saji-kun." She ran towards him and gave the young man a nice, big hug.

"Bada-bing, bada-boom! A new challenger appears!" Fon Sparks snickered like a hyena. Both Kinue and Louise go down on their knees and scream in horror.

"It seems that way." Setsuna joined in while munching on a drumstick.

"Eeeeeeyaaaaargh!" Lockon Stratos ran past everyone while screaming. Tieria is still chasing him like crazy and this time the purple haired twink is carrying a Kira Yamato blow up doll. Maybe it's for the sake of being random but what the hell.

"Lockon-chan, let's be naughty this Christmas." Tieria in drag said. "I don't care if Santa Claus doesn't give me a gift this year. You're the only thing I need in this world. You're the only thing I need and I mean it. I love you, Lockon, and our love cannot be destroyed. I love you so you better love me back!"

"Ahem." Lacus cleared her throat after the little distraction. "Saji Crossroad-kun." She called out to the boy.

"Y-Yes?" He gulped.

"I followed your demands and came to your little Christmas gathering like you told me to." She slowly approached him and each step she took, poor Saji trembled in fear. "Anyway, I wanna say this to you."

"Uh…M-M-M-Miss Lacus?"

"This looks like an interesting party so there might be a chance I would enjoy it with everyone." She gave him warm smile, a rare thing for the pink princess. "I'm also thankful you gave my bitch back to me." She pointed to Kira, who is cowering behind the couch like the pansy he is. "Though it was disappointing you didn't kill Flay but making her fall in love with you can be accepted."

"Yes." The red headed girl hugged Saji from behind. "He opened my eyes and showed me that he is a lot better than Kira Yamato."

Suddenly, several members of the AEUG barge inside the building. All of them looking really pissed and upset. "Is that all you're gonna say, Lacus?" They asked. "After all the hell you put the world through? Is that all you're gonna say? We lost a lot of comrades during your little invasion and we're not satisfied with this stupid armistice. We plan to band together again and give you your comeuppance. What say you, Klaus Grad?" They turned their attention to the Kataron member who's busy nibbling on a gingerbread man. "Don't you want to avenge your fallen comrades?"

"My comrades?" He quickly swallowed the food he's eating. "Uh…well…I really don't know some of my subordinates and the guys I actually know are nothing but a bunch of douche bags who like to play tricks on me." He glared at Ikeda who is taking a sip of his non-alcoholic eggnog. "I'm looking at you, buddy."

"Oh get over it, Klaus." The ex-reporter said as he puts down his cup on the coffee table. "Just because I showed Shirin that video where you dressed up like Mylene Flare Jenius and started harassing both Ranka Lee and Sheryl Nome from Macross Frontier. You were jumping around and telling people Macross 7 was the best Macross show ever and that everyone should listen to your song. You even shouted that a pink beam wave was coming out of your-

"Okay! That's enough. People do stupid things when they're drunk and upset. I have learned from my mistakes and will now always remember that Macross 7 will always have a niche audience. Now please stop embarrassing me, you prick."

"Okay, you pitiful maggots." Lacus cracked her knuckles. "What do you want me to do then? Bow down and ask for your forgiveness? Use all of the PLANTS' resources and rebuild your cities? Order all ZAFT soldiers to act like Zeon soldiers? Repeatedly sodomize Kira? Sing a rap version of _In the Quiet Night? _Tell me! What will you have me do?"

"Well…uh…you see…" The AEUG members all look at each other. "There is something we want you to do."

**

* * *

ONE HOUR LATER…**

"Everyone ready?" Both Lacus Clyne and Meer Campbell asked the audience in front of them. Turns out the AEUG guys want Lacus and Meer to perform a live concert for Christmas. They grabbed all the equipment they need and built a stage inside Saji's apartment. They installed several speakers inside and outside the apartment complex. Both girls are wearing revealing outfits as they dance around the stage. Of course, the only way to differentiate Lacus from Meer is the hair clips. And like ways, poor Saji didn't have a say in this and the weak willed boy watched sadly as they converted his home into some sort of concert hall.

"Yeah!!!" Everyone answered loudly and both girls started singing EMOTION. All the AEUG members then jumped around as they dance to the beat. "Lacus! Lacus! Lacus! Lacus!" They chanted at the top of their lungs. "Lacus-sama!!!"

"So it turns out these guys are secret Lacus fans." Amuro said.

"Man I think EVERYONE is a secret Lacus fan. I know I am." Char giggled.

"Puru! Puru! Puru!"

"My adorable Puru clones are also fans of her." The Red Comet smiled.

"Everybody, what is my name?" Lacus raised her microphone.

"Lacus!!!"

"Everybody, what is my name?" She asked again.

"Lacus!!!"

"And people call me?"

"Lacus-sama!!!"

"And say it, everyone!"

"Let's go, Lacus! Let's go, Lacus!" They stomped their feet in unison. The music blares even louder that smoke is coming out of the speakers. The whole apartment is shaking.

"Gundam." Setsuna muttered to himself and put on his Exia mask. "Toh!" He shouted and jumped at the crowd. Everyone carried the young Krugis boy as Lacus and Meer continue to sing their brain melting pop song of doom.

"Flag Fighters, form position!" Lacus called out to Graham and his crew. The proud Union pilots climbed on the stage. "Now say it!"

"Emotion!" They raised their arms and cheered.

"And clap!" She ordered and all four of them clapped like retarded seals. The audience also clapped their hands and the Flag fighters cheered along with them.

"And say it!"

"Emotion!"

"And clap!" And once again, they clapped like morons. "Okay, guys. Time for the big finish! Are you ready? Okay…begin!"

"Let's go, Lacus! Emotion yeah! Let's go, Lacus! Emotion yeah!" The four of them jumped around while clapping like a bunch of ninnies. "Lacus-sama! Emotion yeah!" And for the first time, Joshua didn't break formation.

Some of the AEUG guys also brought kegs of beer. Indulging in the bounty of alcohol that will bring them a merry hangover the next day. Klaus Grad, now drunk, climbed on the stage and took off all of his clothes. "Guys, Mylene Flare Jenius-chan has come back to rock the world of Macross!" He said and put on a pink wig. He then picked up a bass guitar and spread both of his arms. "Now…LISTEN TO MY SOOOOONG!!! FIRE BOMBER FOR LIFE!!!"

"Oh Klaus, you sweet bastard." Ikeda chuckled with delight while recording the Kataron member's drunken antics with his digital video camera. "This would make awesome blackmail material."

"Tooooh!" Setsuna jumped at the crowd again.

"Now everyone say it!" Lacus jumped in the air while waving her microphone.

"LACUS-SAMA!!!"

**

* * *

AND…**

"And here I am expecting a nice and quiet Christmas dinner." Louise sighed while everyone wrecks the apartment. "Fon Fon, put the knife down!" She ran after the deranged member of Fereshte. "Don't you dare burn down our Christmas tree!"

"This is going to be a bitch." Saji hanged his head. "They're ruining our Christmas party but I guess I should happy since everyone is happy. Miss Lacus is getting along with everyone after all." A pair of blue panties suddenly lands on Saji's face, making a sickening wet after it touched his skin. "What the fudge?"

"Sorry, I got a little carried away." Tieria approached the young man and took the panties off his face. "These are mine by the way." He goes back to…uh…playing with Lockon, whom he caught a few minutes ago. The poor Irishman is all tied up and gagged. His eyes twitching with fear and desperation. One can imagine the mental trauma he will soon receive. Poor guy would surely be a shadow of his former self after the purple haired Meister is done with him.

"Shit." Relena cursed under her breath. "I so cannot unsee that."

"Anyway…back to our little family drama." Kinue put her arm around her young brother's shoulder

"Oh goodness." Flay gasped. "Such shamefulness."

"There's nothing shameful about family love." Kinue retorted.

An AEUG grunt passes by. "Well I'm sure on one thing. You people are so going to hell." He said and walked away.

"Unhand that boy." Flay ordered her. "You don't deserve his love, wench!"

"And you do?" Kinue raised one of her eyebrows.

"I earned it." She smiled and produced a knife. "Now give him to me or I'll play doctor on your sorry ass, bitch."

"Flay!!!" Kira popped out of nowhere. "Come back to me! Forget about Saji."

"Uh…no."

"Uh…why?"

"Because, you stupid idiot, he saved my life. Unlike you, he didn't let me get beam raped by a nihilistic Char clone who's piloting a freaky Kunio Okawara abortion. Oh and in case you don't know, I was referring to the Providence Gundam."

"Now this should be interesting." Kinue also pulled out a knife.

"Alright." Mama Halevy came out of the kitchen and pulled out two mean looking butcher knives. "Let's fudging do this."

"I'll kill all of you and have Saji deflower me." Christina woke up and twirled her butterfly knife. "It's time to end this once and for all."

"Oh now this is what I'm talking about." Louise giggled and took out her katana. I don't know why she has one but it's for the sake of plot progression. "I'm with Christina here, let's finally end this stupid love fiasco. The one who survives can have Saji Crossroad's love."

"Can't all of you have my love?" Saji chuckled nervously.

"Now that would lead to some sort of reverse gangbang of epic hentai proportions." Amuro nodded. "Of course I fully support that."

"Pizza Hut is finally here!" Lelouch Lamperouge a.k.a Zero kicked the door open while carrying several boxes of pizza.

**

* * *

OUTSIDE**

A school bus parks in front of the apartment. Inside the vehicle are several Zeon soldiers and with them are Shinn Asuka, Lunamaria Hawke, Meyrin Hawke, George de Sand and Stellar Loussier. "We're finally here." Anavel Gato said after turning the engine off. "Oh and it looks like everybody is partying hard." He smiled when he saw the large crowd outside the building. "Anyway, is Santa Claus ready?" He glanced at Norris Packard who is dressed up like old Saint Nick himself. "Excellent." He nodded his head. "Let's get moving, people."

"I feel stupid." The Gouf pilot sighed. "Why do I have to be Santa Claus? Why did everyone chose me instead of Ramba Ral? He'll make a great Santa."

"It's because you have that fatherly thing going on, buddy." Johnny Ridden patted him on the back.

"Hey Gato, thanks for the lift." Shinn said. "Let's all go inside and party hard."

Meanwhile, the GNW-003 Gundam Throne Drei lands nearby. Nena Trinity disembarks from the mobile suit while carrying a bag of mistletoes. "This time Setsuna-kun, I'll make you mine and mine alone." She giggled.

**

* * *

STORY NOTES**

Well I know last time I said this chapter would be the last one but I kinda divided the Christmas party into two chapters. It's because there's too many characters, so I don't wanna rush it and make a half-assed finale. Anyway, I'm sorry for the lack of updates. Work is pretty much eating my time.

Anyhoo…

I'm sure you'll know the Puru clones if you watched Gundam Double Zeta. It's considered one of the Universal Century's worst shows along with Victory and F91. It's not that bad, the first half is crap and a bit juvenile but it gets awesome during the second half. For me, I watched it for Puru, Roux Loxa and Haman-sama. ZZ got some awesome babes…well except for Chara Soon. I hate her with a passion. Crossbone Gundam is the manga sequel to F91 and it is made of pure win. The unique Gundam pirate design is pretty wicked. I only read the first volume since it's the only one translated. Kycillia and Gihren Zabi are from the original Gundam series. Gihren is infamous for his Hitler-like speech and the "Sieg Zeon" chant. Mylene Flare Jenius and Fire Bomber are from the uber cheesy Macross 7. The show is like the G-Gundam of the Macross franchise. It's love it or hate it. I enjoyed the show even though Basara Nekki was a big douche. Ranka Lee and Sheryl Nome are of course from the recent Macross Frontier. And Norris Packard is from the awesome 8th MS Team OVA. His Gouf Custom is mighty sexy. Pure Hajime Katoki goodness.

And that's it. Next time would be the real final chapter along with the epilogue. Reviews and criticism would be appreciated and thanks for putting up with my craptacular writing. See ya next time, folks.


	6. This Is No Zaku, Santa! No Zaku!

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GUNDAM

Warning: Some of the humor may offend you

**FINAL PHASE**

"**THIS IS NO ZAKU, SANTA! NO ZAKU!**

**DECEMBER 24**

**OUTSIDE SAJI'S APARTMENT**

**9:00 P.M. **

Anavel Gato and gang couldn't believe their eyes. Just after they stepped out of the bus, Saji Crossroad's apartment burst into flames. All of the guests ran out of the building screaming and calling out for their mommies. Klaus Grad was drunk and running around naked. He keeps yelling about Macross 7 being the best Macross series ever and Frontier is nothing but a big pile of moe doo doo. Oh and he wants Macross Zero to be written out of continuity because it was also a big pile of doo doo and not worthy of the awesomeness of Roy Focker. Lacus Clyne is screaming like crazy and is dragging Kira around like a dog. "I'm free! I'm free!" Lockon cried happily after taking off his restraints. Tieria Erde, still wearing a dress, is chasing him with hungry and lustful eyes while cackling like an idiot.

"What the hell is going on?" Norris Packard asked and took off his Santa cap.

"I knew I should have stayed home today." Lunamaria Hawke shook her head. "What was I thinking? Going back to this blasted place and not expecting craziness. I really am an idiot. A big freaking idiot! No I'm the queen idiot of the Planet Idiot."

"No." Shinn Asuka placed his hand on her shoulder. His face then started sparkling like one of those bishounen characters you usually find in shoujo anime and manga. "You are not the queen idiot of Planet Idiot. You are Princess Mayu Asuka, beloved little sister of Shinn Asuka who has an adorable big brother complex. A complex that is so cute that big brother couldn't help but dote on you."

"…"

"What is wrong with you, boy?" Gato raised one of his eyebrows.

"Anyway, we have to do something about this situation." Meyrin Hawke said in a determined voice. "It looks like it's up to us to save day."

"Indeed Mademoiselle." George de Sand agreed. "We must rectify this travesty of a party. I must fulfill my duty as a warrior for Neo France."

"Georgie boy, I didn't notice you're here." Meyrin giggled.

"Ah such tragedy," The Frenchman lamented. "I didn't appear on the Halloween and Thanksgiving specials. Oh and it seems I only have a minor appearance in this story as well. Nevertheless, an appearance is an appearance no matter how small."

"Don't sweat it, Frenchie." The red haired girl patted his back. "You still have your role on the main story of Happy Fun Times Meisters."

"I supposed." He sighed. "But I fear I'll disappear into obscurity once that dreadful School Days story arc is over. Seriously, what was that idiot of a writer thinking when he came up with that crappy story? He must have been chewing on wires again. This is what happens when fan wank gets the best of you, though I admit this shitty parody fanfiction was made out of sheer self gratifications of idiotic and asinine proportions."

"Whoa!" Shinn held up his hand. "Too deep! You guys are going in too deep with the fourth wall breaking. You're making the writer cry and you know he's a big pussy. Anyway, let's focus on the task at hand."

"But we have to know what's going on first." Gato cracked his knuckles. "But knowing Saji-kun, it must be about love and passion."

"Whatever." Norris wore his Santa cap again. "I can't believe I let you idiots talk me into doing this. I should be at the Sahalin residence right now and enjoying a Christmas feast with my beloved Aina-sama. But alas I was sucked into this mess."

"Stellar thinks you guys are thinking way too negative." The blonde girl said.

"I think Stellar is an idiot and likes ripping off Four Murasame." Luna sniped.

"Stellar is not an idiot!" The female Extended pouted. "Just because Stellar gets confused sometimes when she takes her happy pills doesn't make Stellar an idiot. Though Stellar admits when Stellar blacks out Stellar wakes up in strange places. One time Stellar woke up inside White Base and saw Bright Noa having S and M play with waifu. One time Stellar woke up inside Archangel and saw Mu La Flaga dressing up like Murrue. One time Stellar woke up inside the Freeden and saw Jamil Neate talking to himself in the mirror. He keeps saying that he's the best Char clone ever and that-

"Okay enough." Luna covered her mouth. "Stop before you give me brain damage."

"Hey something is happening." Meyrin pointed to the burning apartment.

Out of the flames, Louise Halevy and Flay Allster engage into an epic cat fight. "Take this!" The blonde Spaniard attacked with a devastating punch. "The School of the Undefeated!" But Flay quickly blocked it and countered with a punch of her own.

"You're a thousand years way too early to tango with me, blondie." She snickered. "The Winds of Love!" The red headed girl attacked with a palm strike.

"Zenshin!" Louise ducked to avoid the attack. She pulls her arm and gives Flay a thundering uppercut that sent her flying.

"Naïve! Too naïve!" She quickly recovered in the air and gave Louise a bone cracking drop kick. "Keiretsu!" The blonde haired European dropped to the ground like a sack of potatoes.

"Like hell that's gonna stop me." Louise stood up and wiped the blood on her mouth with her hand "Have some of this!" She ran like a ninja and attacks her with another punch. "Tempa Kyouran!" She shouted but the red headed girl once again countered it with another punch. Both hands meet and the ground shook hard upon impact. Both girls smiled as a bright and murdering aura emanates from their petite bodies. Everybody stood in awe after seeing such awesome display of power.

"Look!" Saji popped out of nowhere and pointed at the burning building. "My apartment is burning red! This apartment of mine is burning red! The roaring flames are telling me to call the insurance agency! My erupting burning apartment!" He tried to imitate Domon Kasshu of G Gundam.

"Bummer." Shinn scratched his head.

**

* * *

11:15 P.M. **

Saji is standing in front of what was left of his apartment. The firemen have finally left and thanks to their efforts they managed to prevent it from spreading to the other apartment buildings. The young man sighed and sat on the ground. Behind him is Louise, the girl is fidgeting nervously and thinking of way to approach him since she's somewhat responsible. Mustering all of her courage, she sits next to him. "I'm sorry." She said and turned her face away from the boy. "I'm really sorry, Saji."

"Louise." He looked at her with sad eyes and the girl felt even more guilty. "It's okay." He forced himself to smile. "I know you didn't mean it when you used a Molotov cocktail to attack Miss Allster."

"I'm sorry." She apologized again.

"Oh what a despicable girl." Kinue suddenly appeared behind them. "If I were you, Saji, I'll dump her and go back to my loving sister."

"Or hook up with your female classmate instead." Christina pushed the older woman away. "It'll be just like those visual novel games except without save points."

"I'm sorry, Sierria-san, but I don't play those games."

"But I do!" Lockon Stratos a.k.a Neil Dylandy appeared. "I got a hankering for childhood friends who are a bit of a tomboy."

"I see." Tieria nodded behind him and started taking notes.

"I got a hankering for childhood friends that are female, Tieria."

"Don't worry!" He gave a thumbs-up. "I think it's implied in the second season of Gundam 00 that GN particles can turn me into woman."

"That's fudged-up."

"Hey who needs hard science? It's all about GN particles now." The purple haired Meister chuckled. "If GN particles can send people to the Newtype world then I'm sure the particles can turn me into a real woman."

"DO NOT WANT!" Lockon pushed Tieria away.

"Oh Saji!" Mama Halevy grabbed the boy and smothered his face with her boobies. "I'm sorry for having such a pyromaniac daughter! I'm sure Louise got that from her late father. Oh I never felt so ashamed before. Come, my dear boy, I'll take you to Spain so you can live with me instead."

"Mama!" Louise protested. "He's my boyfriend and papa is still alive!"

"Don't you dare kidnap my cute and adorable baby brother, cow bitch!" Kinue gritted her teeth. "He's staying with me."

"I won't let that happen." Christina clenched both her fists. "I won't allow it. I won't allow Saji-kun to be entangled in such a shameful and taboo relationship."

"Beat it, bridge bunny." Kinue hissed. "Go hump your cyborg boyfriend instead of stealing other people's brothers." She pointed to Lichty, who is lying on the ground. Several wires and machineries are now sticking out of his body after receiving such brutal treatment from Lacus' men.

"Why can't man love machine?" He moaned in a deep mechanical voice. "Why? I have a soooooooul so please love me."

"That's…really creepy." Tieria backed away. "Hey Lockon, let's kill it with fire."

"Way ahead of you, Trap-kun." Shinn poured gasoline all over Lichty while Stellar pulled out a box of matches.

"Stellar wants a Viking cyborg funeral."

"Leave the poor cyborg alone." Lunamaria confiscated the matches before they could set poor Lichty on fire.

"Oi Saji." Gato approached him.

"Gato-sensei?"

"Stop moping around, boy. Here I brought Santa Claus." He presented Norris Packard. "Now cheer up and sit on his lap."

"…"

"Sit on his lap, boy."

"Can't I just sit next to him or something?" He gulped.

"Whatever." He shrugged. "Just tell him what you want for Christmas and he'll probably give it to you. Probably."

"Uh…"

"Just do it." He slapped the back of his head. "C'mon and be done with it."

"Ah Christmas presents." Amuro Ray, Char Aznable, Relena Peacecraft, Lacus Clyne, Kira Yamato, and some of the other guests came back.

"Indeed." Flay also returned. "I'll get my beloved Saji right after I receive my present."

"Okay, maggots." The pink princess gathered everyone. "Line up like good little boys and girls. No pushing and no cutting in line or else your buttholes will have a close encounter with my foot. Also, I'll tie you up on the hood of the Eternal and re-enact Garma Zabi's death. Oh and don't get mighty cocky just because I'm lacking a Pegasus-class vessel. I'll have Kira wear a box and write the name _White Base _on it. Hell, I'll even throw in a purple wig and have Char here laugh like a complete ninny. It may be a ninny laugh but it's still an evil laugh."

"Okay kiddo, what do you want for Christmas?" Santa Norris asked Saji.

"A new apartment." He sobbed.

"…"

"A new apartment with a Jacuzzi and a room for that portal device Ian Vashti made back at the main story. The one we used when we went to the Hentai game world to save Louise and the others."

"Oh yeah that reminds me." Lockon scratched his head. "We need to finish that story arc soon."

"Uh…I can't give you a new apartment but I can give you a new pair of socks." Santa Norris handed Saji his gift. "It's one hundred percent cotton, kid. Go knock yourself out." He winked.

"I…uh…well…uh…Waaaaaah!" He ran away crying.

"Okay who's next?" He asked.

"Me." Lacus raised her hand. "This Christmas party is for me anyway so I-

"Nena Trinity!" The youngest of the Trinity sibling shoved Lacus away and hopped on Santa Norris' lap. "Give Nena her present."

"…"

"Bitch!" Lacus stood up. "Nobody shoves me and gets away with it."

"Uh-oh."

"Hey Kira do something!" One of the AEUG grunts said.

Unfortunately, the Ultimate Coordinator is busy wooing Flay Allster back. "Did you see that? Saji ran away like a wussy. How can you like a guy that? He's not gonna bring you happiness but only misfortune. Please come back to me, cupcake. I swear I'll kill Lacus next time." He begged.

"Go away." She said coldly and kicked him on the face.

"We are fudged." George sighed. "Oh well it was a good run."

Lacus then pulls out her cellphone and called the PLANTS. "Activate Neo GENESIS now and aim it at Earth. Burn this wretched planet to a crisp. I don't care if I'm still here, I'm motherfudging evil so I'll probably live."

"Okay Nena wants lots of pink frilly things for her Haro. Oh and make Setsuna fall in love with me." She told Santa Norris.

"Wait a minute…you put frilly things on your Haro too?" Lacus asked Nena.

"Why yes." She answered cheerfully.

She pulls out her cellphone again. "Okay maggots, scratch that. Don't fire the death ray. Everything is cool here." She said and everybody sighed in relief.

"Well then I just got the thing for you." Santa then gave her a pink ribbon.

"Yippeeeeee!" She shouted and jumped off his lap.

"Oh and for Mistress Lacus." He searched his sack. "A new Haro unit."

"Oh diddly doo!" The pink haired princess gasped after receiving her Christmas present. "It's another pink Haro. I can't have enough pink Haros. I'll name him Thanatos and he's my fifteenth pink unit. Thank you, Santa-san." She bowed.

"Okay who's next?"

"Me." Setsuna F. Seiei sat on Santa's lap.

"This one is easy." He then gave him a Master Grade Gundam Exia model kit.

"Santa is…Gundam." He said and hopped off his lap. He hugs the box as he walks away.

"Now how is that possible?" Asked Shinn. "There's no MG line for the Gundam 00 kits yet."

"Oh quit whining." Amuro bonked him on the head. "Don't get conceited just because your precious Destiny Gundam got the Master Grade treatment. Talk to me when your units get the coveted PG make over."

"Nobody makes PG anymore, doofus."

"My Strike got the PG treatment." Kira said happily.

"Shut-up!" Both Amuro and Shinn shouted.

"Heh." Char scoffed. "Your PG units can't compete with my recent MG Sinanju. That kit is one sexy beast." He gloated.

"Char, you didn't even pilot the Sinanju." Kira told the Red Comet.

"Oh yeah? It's pretty obvious Full Frontal is me. They're just teasing the fans. You know Bandai and Sunrise like to tease the fans."

"Right." Shinn frowned. "They like teasing the fans until they are nothing more than a blubbering pile of wreck. I bet on the 30th anniversary this year there won't be an animated version of Unicorn Gundam, just another RX-78 Gundam MG rehash and a thank you message from Tomino-sama."

"You sound bitter, Shinn." Amuro smiled.

"And for the legendary Red Comet." Santa Norris gave Char two DVD box sets. "Merry Christmas, sir."

"Holy shit, Batman!" His eyes brightened up with excitement. "Chocotto Sister and Moon Phase! Thank you very much, Santa-san!" He hugged Santa Norris tightly. "My lolicon Christmas dreams have been granted."

"Right." A sweat drop appeared on Amuro's head.

"It's time for my Christmas wish!" Tieria jumped repeatedly.

"God help us all." Lockon's face turned white as snow.

"I want Lockon to **BLEEP **mewhile I **BLEEP **him in the **BLEEP**, then I bring out the **BLEEP **and **BLEEP **his **BLEEP **so he can **BLEEP **me withhis **BLEEP **while everyone watch me **BLEEP **his **BLEEP**! If that happens it will be **BLEEP **swell."

"…" Everyone looked at each other with horrified expressions.

"That wasn't a Christmas wish." Lunamaria said. "It was more like he's describing a Gundam 00 yaoi doujin."

"Oh silly me." Tieria bonked his own head while acting moe. "But I don't need a Christmas present since I already have the thing I want here." He clung to Lockon.

"Okay!" Nena brought out the bag of mistletoes she's carrying. "Time to spread the Christmas love."

"Oh there's enough love here." Char hugged his DVD sets.

"Agreed." Tieria snuggled Lockon.

"Get offa me, freak boy." The Irishman said in disgust.

"Setsuna-kun!" She pointed to the Krugis boy. "You won't escape this time."

"Escape?"

"Hey I'm back." Saji appeared. "I'm feeling kinda better now." He said and wiped his tears with his hand. "I guess I feel better."

"Mistletoe barrage!" Nena began throwing mistletoes at everyone.

One landed on Saji's head. "Huh? What the heck is going on?" He asked.

Louise and the other girls' eyes flashed brightly. "Saji-kuuuuun!" They charged at him with murderous intent. All of them ready to give the boy a Christmas kiss.

KEEEEERIIIING!!! A white bolt flashed across Kira's forehead, signaling a Newtype flash. "Danger! Saji-kun is in danger! Reverse gangbang imminent!"

"We can see that, dumbass." Amuro bonked him on the head. "And don't do that again. It's annoying. Just because you're the Ultimate Coordinator doesn't mean you're a Newtype."

"He's mine!" Kinue jumped at her younger brother. "Onee-san will give you something nice so sit still."

"Back off." Flay sent Kinue flying with a round house kick. "He's mine now! All of you bitches can fudge off to hell!"

"He's my boyfriend!" Louise karate chopped Flay on the head. "I had him first!"

"But that doesn't give you the right to monopolize him!" Chris tackled the blonde European. "I'll do everything in my power to make sure my love reaches him."

"Yeah!" Lacus cheered loudly. Her mouth is foaming and eyes twitching. "That's right! Entertain Lacus! Give me blood! Blood I say! Kill each other and entertain me, you pitiful maggots!" Flay then punched Christina on the face, breaking her lip and nose. The former Ptolemaios bridge operator retaliates by clubbing the red headed girl with a rusty pipe, spraying blood all over Lacus who is standing nearby. She continued to laugh maniacally and smeared the crimson liquid all over her face. "That's what I'm talking about!"

"Okay this is getting out of hand." Lunamaria raised one of her eyebrows. She glances at Shinn, who is busy recording the brutal skirmish with his video camera.

"I am so gonna send this to Newtype Magazine." He chuckled.

"Meyrin, be a dear and hand me my bat." Luna ordered her younger sister while smiling.

"Here you are, Onee-chan." She handed her a bat wrapped with barbwire and rusty nails. "Go crazy."

"YOU IDIOT!!!" Luna bashed Shinn's head with the bat. "Looks like I need to educate you more."

"No please! Calm yourself, Princess Mayu!" He begged. "Calm yourself!"

"Princess Mayu is not here right now." She grabbed the video camera and shoved it inside Shinn's mouth. "So if you have a message then say it after the beep." She then repeatedly beat the ZAFT pilot with the bat.

"Sacre bleu!" George gasped in horror.

"Don't worry." Meyrin waved her hand. "He'll live. Shinn has enough plot armor so he's going to be fine."

"But Mademoiselle Meyrin, that only applies when he's piloting a Gundam." The Frenchman reminded her.

"…"

"Ah young love." Amuro sighed. Behind him, Nena is chasing Setsuna since one of the mistletoes landed on his head just like Saji. The young Meister's face is still without emotion as he runs away from the psychotic Trinity girl.

"Just like back in the day." Char smiled at him. "That time when we fell in love with the same woman."

"Yeah, but I accidentally whacked her."

"…"

"…"

"Bwahahahahaha!" They both laughed after the long awkward silence.

"Oi." Relena called out to the others. "I think we should do something about those girls." She pointed to Louise and the others.

"Screw you!" Lacus gave her the finger. "Don't you dare destroy my entertainment, you blabbering stalker!"

"What did you say!?" She approached the pink princess and their foreheads clashed together. Their faces are so near to each other that they look like they're kissing. "Did you just call me a stalker?"

"Yes I did." She replied. "I know all about you, bitch. You have been stalking Heero Yuy for like years now."

"That's none of your business, pinky."

"You know…lesbian porn sometimes starts out like this." Klaus Grad suddenly appeared out of nowhere. The top Katharon member is still naked and STILL wearing a pink wig. "C'mon guys, you have to agree that a Relena X Lacus pairing is mighty effing epic. The epicness would be so high that the Gundam franchise would implode from the sheer awesomeness of it." He then puts some lotion on his hands. "Mighty epic indeed." He said and rubbed his hands.

"Klaus, what the hell are you babbling about and why are you still naked AND why are putting on some lotion?" Asked a very nervous Lockon.

"Relax." He told him with a smile. "Don't sweat the small stuff. Just turn around and pretend I'm not here, Lyle."

"I'm Neil, you idiot."

"Lockon-chan! These people are scaring me." Tieria hugged him from behind.

"And you're scaring me!"

"That's it!" Amuro raised his hand. "Kira, do your thing!"

"Roger!" He saluted and _VESTIGE _by T.M. Revolution suddenly plays in the background as the brown haired Coordinator goes into SEED mode. "Locking on to the targets." He said and pulls out a tranquilizer gun. With the music still playing, the Ultimate Coordinator shoots Louise and the girls with ease. Heck, even without the invincible Strike Freedom, Kira Yamato can beam spam the hell out of anyone. In a matter of seconds, all of the girls drop to the ground snoring into dream land.

"Thank goodness." Saji sighed in relief. "Thanks a lot, Kira-san. If you--urk!" He dropped wordlessly to the ground after Kira shot him with the last syringe of the tranquilizer gun.

"Monsieur Kira, why did you do that?" George asked.

"I…dunno." He shrugged. "Somehow it felt justified."

"…"

"And so ends the Christmas party." Amuro looked at his wristwatch. "It's midnight so…MERRY CHRISTMAS!"

"MERRY CHRISTMAS!"

"Hey guys we brought beer." Apolly Bay and the rest of the AEUG crew returned while carrying some beer kegs.

"Oh yeah!"

"Well this finale sure sucked." Lunamaria said and tossed her bat away. She then faces the readers and bows down in apology. "I'm very sorry for this, everyone. We're very very sorry. Please feel free to lynch the writer."

"Just in time." Mr. Bushido and his comrades also came back. "We just got back from the ice cream parlor. We kinda felt sorry for Joshua for killing his cat so we treated the bastard some ice cream. Now let us celebrate with alcohol."

"Merry Christmas!" Nena shouted while dragging a bounded and gagged Setsuna. His face is full of lipstick and kiss marks.

Meanwhile, Fon Sparks sneaked back to what was left of Saji's apartment and peed on the ruined Christmas tree. Suddenly he noticed something glowing on one of the charred rooms. It was none other than the portal device Tieria and friends constructed back on the main Happy Fun Times Meister story. The one they used to travel to the Hentai game world to rescue Saji and friends. GN particles spread everywhere as the device created another portal and sucked everyone in.

"Uh…guys." Lockon muttered while the bright light engulfs them. "We got a problem here. A real big one."

"This won't end well." Shinn said and gulped down his beer.

**

* * *

SOMEWHERE…**

"Rin-chan."

"Uh…"

"Wake-up, Rin-chan. It's time to wake up."

Saji opened his eyes and sat up on the bed. "Damn that Kira. Why did he shoot me too? I think I'm gonna puke." He rubbed the back of his head.

"Wake-up, sleepy head."

The young man turned his head to the direction of the voice only to discover a strange girl standing beside him. She has an orange shoulder length hair and a cute face that could bring any man down to his knees. He didn't recognize the uniform she's wearing. "Uh…who are you? Where am I?"

"Oh don't tease me like that, Rin-chan."

"Rin-chan? My name is Saji Crossroad, not Rin-chan."

"Stop it." She giggled. "Hurry up and change or else we'll be late for school. Breakfast is already ready downstairs."

"RIN-CHAAAAAAN!!!" Four girls suddenly barged inside the room. One is a red head, the other's hair is blue, another one is green and the last one is dark. All of them are also wearing the same uniform of the orange haired girl. "What are you doing, Rin-chan? Get up already or the teacher will have your head." The green haired one pointed at him.

"What's going on? Who the heck are you people?" He stood up.

"Huh!? Did you hit your head or something?"

"Rin-chan, you're scaring me." Orange haired girl said and backed away.

"I'm scaring you? I'm the one who's scared here! What happened to the Christmas party? Where's Louise? Where are the others?"

"Yo." Lockon entered the room. The Irishman is wearing a white high school uniform and is carrying a brown school bag. "Hurry up, Rin-chan."

"Lockon-san!? What's going on here?" He asked.

"Well…the fire in your house kinda damaged the portal device Ian made and somehow…uh…well…reality kinda collapsed and…well…this happened."

"Huh?"

"But it's cool." He gave a thumbs-up. "We're now living in a really awesome universe. I mean we're with characters from Shuffle here. You know I'm a big fan of the game and the anime. You also get to be Rin-chan, you lucky bastard."

"Please tell me you're joking. How can reality collapse?"

"Take a peek outside, kiddo."

Saji looked outside through the window and saw Tieria on the street. The purple haired Meister is now all buffed and dressed up like Kenshiro from Fist of the North Star, complete with the seven scars. He then started doing all kinds of martial arts moves and breaking down the walls and stuff. Louise and the rest of the Gundam girl pass by. They are all wearing the school uniform from Maria-sama ga Miteru so that means they're all probably lesbians now. "No." He muttered softly. "This is not happening."

"You gotta accept the fact, kiddo." Lockon smiled. "Ya gotta at least enjoy this new world and trust me it is damn enjoyable."

"Ano…" Someone entered the room. "We need to hurry up." It was none other than Shinn Asuka and for some reasons he's a she now. A she with a plumpy chest and a sexy figure.

"Oh yeah. Shinn is now a girl due to the effects of the GN particles. I guess Tieria was right after all." Lockon laughed.

"Please don't look at me like that." Female Shinn covered her chest and blushed. "It's embarrassing."

Saji didn't say a word. The poor kid just snapped and jumped outside through the window. "Drama queen." Lockon scoffed. "Anyhoo ladies, let's hurry up so I can finally unlock some awesome H-scenes and get the good ending."

**THE END?**

**

* * *

EPILOGUE**

"WHAT THE **BLEEP **KIND OF ENDING WAS THAT!?" Lacus screamed.

"I have to admit that was bad." Saji nodded his head in agreement. "Really bad."

"I think a part of me just died." Louise said in disgust. "I mean talk about insulting the intelligence of the readers."

"Well…some parts of the story weren't that bad thanks to a bunch of people." Lockon chuckled nervously. "In fact if these three people didn't contribute then that idiot of a writer would have completely turned this fanfiction into a shitfest of craptacular proportions. And that's why we need to properly thank them. Take it away, Shinn and Nena!"

"Roger that, Lockon." The ZAFT pilot saluted along with the female Gundam Throne pilot. "A Happy Fun Times thanks to Ominae and Cielo for their awesome ideas. Thanks a bunch, guys. You two have been a great help to the Happy Fun Times Meisters cast."

"Also a very very special thanks to High Lady Solaris for her epic contributions." Nena said. "We're sorry we didn't use all of your ideas but we would definitely appreciate it if you work with us again."

"We also like to thank the reviewers who bothered reading this story." Saji added. "Thank you very much for your reviews and criticisms."

"And that's it, maggots." Lacus Clyne said. "I know it's late but Happy Holidays! We hope 2009 would be a great year for all of us."

"Gundam." Setsuna popped out of nowhere.

"Ah maybe now we could finally finish the main story." Lockon sighed.

**

* * *

STORY NOTES**

Well the finale wasn't much. Sorry about the delay since I was really busy with work. This rant would be short because I need some sleep. I have been sleep deprived from the last few days. Anyway, I would like to say that I would be focusing more on Apollo of the Sky and HFTM this year. I really wanna make Apollo epic and fangasmic. That's why I need to improve my writing and English skills. As for HFTM, expect more weirdness and asinine stories. There's also that Magical Girl Tieria story I've been working on. Well that's all I'm gonna say. See ya!


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